The A Word: Glass Half Empty?

Posted bymeadandreaPosted inAutoimmune Disease
Warrior III

This Warrior III pose is about balance and stability. I’m working my standing leg quite hard as I’m balancing all my weight on it.  Specifically, the pose also accesses all the muscles along my spine, holding the upper body long and straight and digging into my hamstrings in the extended leg.  It’s not perfect, but I’m getting there….

Uh-oh, I’m going to be a bit controversial this month!  I love people with opinions, even if they differ from mine; respectful debate is great.  What really bugs me is people who “sit on the fence”!  So here we go; I’m not sitting on the fence with this one 😊.

When I set off on my journey to share my story of living with an autoimmune disease, I set up an Instagram account separate from my own.  My plan was to post my blogs and reveal lots of information about my life with Ankylosing Spondylitis and the coping mechanisms I’ve learned over the years.  This new account was called “living_with_autoimmune”, and loads of people with autoimmune diseases connected to me and me to them.  However, after a few months, I hated it; it was the most depressing account ever!  Every day, I would trawl through everyone’s woes and self-pity, and after a while, I stopped even going to the account.  I would post my monthly blog and quickly revert back to my own cheerful account with all the lovely people I follow – family, photographers, foodies, health and fitness tips, yoga and fashion, all of which make me smile.

I don’t like self-pity, and the term generally applied to people with this trait is “Victim Mentality”. I think I’m sufficiently qualified to hold this opinion as I’ve lived with pain most of my adult life.  Some mornings, my AS is so bad I struggle to walk.  During one really bad flare, I had to take the most terrible concoction of drugs known to mankind; I was on a different planet from everyone else that week.  Only my immediate family knew the extent of my pain, and this led to my gripe with the “victim mentality”?

First of all, what is it?  “Victim Mentality” is someone who sees themselves as a victim to accrue sympathy and empathy. These people have a perpetual need to have their suffering acknowledged.  Other people or circumstances are always to blame.  Any effort to help them will fail, so there’s no point trying.  When bad things happen, they rarely take responsibility for them and blame the world?  It’s an acquired personality trait in which a person tends to recognise or consider themselves as a victim of the negative actions of others.

It’s not a formal medical term. In fact, most health professionals avoid it due to the stigma surrounding it, but it’s real, and it’s all over my autoimmune Instagram account.  In my opinion, if people don’t put any effort into helping themselves, living with an autoimmune disease will be a million times worse. 

There’s loads of research to suggest Victim Mentality is a problem in the workplace, too. It’s challenging for a manager, as often, their team member will react negatively to any attempts to change this behaviour or mindset.  They usually get defensive or act in a passive-aggressive way toward anyone who is just trying to help.   There’s lots of advice about how to deal with this kind of person, but I’m not great with the sympathy card; I tend to ignore this personality trait and move on.  So, now you get the picture as to why I’m closing down my autoimmune Instagram account.

Moving on, I thought I would continue on my controversial path and get everything on the table in one blog so I can return to my lovely self next month 😊.

Who else gets irritated by some “celebrities” and their predictable politics, the ones who sit within gated communities preaching to the rest of the working world about topics that will never truly affect them.  Social issues are like fashion trends to many people, worn in front of a camera lens to garner heaps of attention and praise. As to the social issues they adopt, sometimes they prove surprisingly ill-informed. But who cares about that when the real goal is publicity?

One of the social issues that doesn’t get enough attention is homelessness. I mentioned in my last blog I’d talk briefly about my time working for Crisis (the homeless charity).  Look, I’m no saint, but this experience did provide me with a real insight into the challenges faced by many people who find themselves living on the streets.  I haven’t done as much charity work as I would like. Hopefully, retirement will provide more opportunities, but the 3 years I worked for Crisis were eye-opening. 

I had no useful skills; for example, I couldn’t cut hair, treat someone’s feet, or assess them medically, so I was mostly in the kitchen serving food or going out on the minibus with hot soup to feed those who didn’t want to come to the shelter, or frisking guests at the door to make sure no drugs, alcohol or weapons were brought it.  I got quite good at helping them hide their treasure ready for when they left.

Crisis has released many stats over the years on why people find themselves homeless, and a high number suffer from ill mental health or drug/alcohol dependency.  However, many of the people I met were driven to dependency through the rubbish things that had happened in their lives.   None of the guests I had the pleasure to meet in the Shelter had a “victim mentality”; they took responsibility for their situation, and I never once heard anyone cast blame for their predicament; they were incredibly grateful for the help and advice they received.

The point of my story is that we all walk a very fine line in life; we all fall off that line now and again but manage to pick ourselves up and carry on.  Sometimes, though, the things that happen to us are too big to cope with, and when we fall off, try as we might, we can’t get back up.  You never know what’s going on in someone’s life, which is why it’s so important to be kind. 

Finally (thank goodness, I hear you say), our freedom feels much closer than it did at Christmas.  We’ve seen our families (outside in the cold), and Jamie and I are waiting patiently for 12th April so we can go to the pub for a pint.  I look like Alice Cooper with my mop of multi-coloured hair, so 20th April (haircut day) cannot come soon enough.

Take care, folks, thank you for reading and sharing my story xxx

Published by meadandrea

Blogger, writer, author, love to travel, photographer

2 thoughts on “The A Word: Glass Half Empty?”

  2. I didn’t realise we had so much in common I just kept nodding my head at every comment. No sympathy for you my girl just total admiration x Oh and ignore the website it popped up and I can’t get rid of it!! Years old

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