We’ve finally exchanged on our Hampshire property with completion on 7th September, so it will be a busy time. We can’t move in right away as the house was a complete rebuild of an older property, so there are no curtains or carpets, and the delivery on these is around 3 weeks. It’s taken longer than we expected, and given that my packing for Cornwall was completely inappropriate for anything other than hot weather, I’m pleased we’re nearly there. For reference, my bag included 3 pairs of sunglasses, sun cream, a sunhat, 2 handbags, 2 dresses, a spray tan for legs and 2 pairs of sandals; who knows where I thought I was heading!
I now have all my investigative appointments booked for blood, MRI scans, and US scans at the Royal Surrey following my Rheumatology consultation. They have come through quickly and are also on the calendar for September, so that’s good. Since I started writing my blog at the end of 2019 to raise awareness for autoimmune disease, I’ve received many messages, a large proportion of which relate to the time it takes to diagnose these conditions. The most common autoimmune diseases include Multiple Sclerosis, Type 1 Diabetes, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus and Vasculitis, and all are debilitating in their own way. My AS comes under a term called “Spondyloarthritis”, an umbrella term for inflammatory diseases that can affect the back, pelvis, neck, and some larger joints, as well as internal organs and the eyes, and the average diagnosis takes 10 years.
I think the medical profession is making good progress in securing earlier diagnoses. Hopefully, it will mean that people like myself won’t suffer for years in pain, thinking they are going mad!
This week, I wanted to talk about arguing. I hate it and don’t like confrontation as it upsets me. Some people love arguing and are very good at it. Fortunately, Jamie and I both dislike it, which is great but I’ve needed to stand up for myself during my career, so I thought I would provide my tips to help those of you who, like me, find it difficult.
In the heat of the moment and desperate to get our point across, we often don’t listen to other opinions, and I’m certainly guilty of that. By listening, you’re gaining knowledge and insight, as well as refining and improving your own position. Often, disagreements escalate because of a misunderstanding, but what can help is to repeat what you think the other person just said, which can help to avoid misunderstandings. I used to practice this in work situations, and it did help.
In today’s world, arguments often happen on social media. If you’re faced with a Twitter troll or a Facebook friend who lures you into a heated debate, there are several techniques you can use to push your point of view.
Using ‘calm’ language to make a point is more effective than swearing or using aggressive terms. Personally, I think people who get aggressive are suffering from a deficiency of facts during an argument. I think it’s fair to say you can’t win an argument with insults. The moment you do that, you’ve already lost. You can only win an argument by being factual, and if you have insufficient information, you can always keep quiet and end the argument; there’s no shame in that.
In a face-to-face argument, people often use both verbal and facial expressions. Verbal expressions can include a cold or constant stare, a false or exaggerated smile, or a raised eyebrow, all of which make me more nervous. Another technique I was taught, especially when upset, was to try and use humour, which can take the heat out of a situation.
A great example was the American actress Ilka Chase, who wrote several novels. One day, another actress told her: “I enjoyed reading your book. Who wrote it for you?” To which Chase replied: “Darling, I’m so glad that you liked it. Who read it to you?” I’m not sure my wit is up to that standard, though!
I know it’s difficult to remember techniques when angry and fired up. However, I do try hard to remind myself to stay calm, use facts as evidence to back up my position and ask questions. I know they say that you shouldn’t preach what you don’t practice, but I’ll say it anyway: my final tip is always be prepared to concede a good point 😊
Finally, I want to finish with a little ode I saw in the pub the other night, which made me smile and also might help all of us to feel less guilty about our alcohol consumption.
The Horse and Mare live 30 years.
And do not know of wines and beers.
The Goat and Sheep at 20 die
And never taste the scotch or rye.
The Cow drinks water by ton.
At 15, their life is almost done.
The Dog at 14 normally gives in.
Without the aid of rum or gin
The modest, sober bone-dry Hen
Lays eggs for years and dies at 10
But sinful, ginfull rum soaked men
Survive till 3 score years and 10
And some of us, the mighty few
Say pickled till we are 92!
92 it is then, until next time, stay strong; 2020 is almost over 😊
xxxx
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