A picture is worth 1,000 words, but this one isn’t quite as I’d imagined. I’d envisaged Belle, my daughter’s gorgeous spaniel, in my arms with the autumn leaves falling gently around us, complementing her autumnal glossy coat. Never work with animals or children most definitely came to mind! Belle doesn’t do blog photos.
This month, I’m going to rabbit on about Happy Ears, and if you have them, there’s a small change you can make to make life easier.
I always thought that communication was key until I had a lightbulb moment on realising that comprehension is. If the person you communicate with doesn’t understand you, it’s silent chaos!
Communication and comprehension are two sides of the same coin. During my sales career, I learned I could prepare and polish my message to the best of my ability. Still, if the other party didn’t comprehend what I was trying to convey, I wouldn’t be as successful as I’d hoped, and I’ve got a memory bank full of unsuccessful sale pitches!
This doesn’t just apply to sales; it applies to all aspects of our lives – our relationships, our family, negotiating with our teenagers or toddlers, and even asking a favour. We need to be clear in conveying our message.
So, acknowledging this, we must also take responsibility to understand what we are told. This brings me nicely onto the subject of “Happy Ears”.
Happy Ears drive me up the wall. These days, people are more distracted and often don’t listen to what is being said with their full attention. I accept that, but happy ears are different from being distracted. This is when people do listen but only hear what they want to hear, for example, the nice, fluffy, happy stuff.
People naturally want to learn the truth, yet often refrain from listening properly because it makes them stressed or uncomfortable. People generally want to hear only what they like; we’re wired in a way that opposition and rejection are too difficult to handle for us. The truth sounds good in theory, especially if it’s the truth with which we agree or that positions us in a favourable light. When we hear the truth that isn’t so pleasant, we start to resist, which can cause no end of problems. This can also be the case when we talk to doctors, solicitors, our boss, or anyone we feel uncomfortable or intimidated by.
So, here’s what to practice if you think your ears are happy.
- Try to face the person you are listening to and make eye contact. I know it’s uncomfortable, but it gets easier with practice.
- Look for nonverbal clues, too. The tone of voice, facial expressions and gestures are all important. I use gestures a lot, demonstrated by the amount of drinks I’ve knocked over in the pub!
- Don’t interrupt, and don’t start thinking about what you’re going to say next
- Try not to judge or act emotionally about what is being said, as it will get in the way of listening. This is hard!
- When it’s your turn, ask questions to clarify
- Then, summarise to show you’ve understood. It sounds a bit formal, but it works, especially if you need to buy time or are nervous; it gives you control. When I go to a hospital appointment for my AS, I often take a notebook, especially if it’s to discuss recent scans, blood tests or medication. It helps me to understand and remember what’s been said when I get home.
If you can turn off your happy ears, life will be easier. It will help you avoid conflict, the one thing I hate, as I’m sure most of you do. It will positively impact life, your health, and relationships too. I can’t guarantee it will help with teenagers and toddlers, though!
Before I go, I wonder how many of you are like me. I always arrive early for EVERYTHING! This isn’t great, especially in Winter, as I have to kill time in the cold rather than sit in my nice warm house or office and leave at an appropriate time.
I wish I was more like normal people:
“We need to be there at 10 am, and it takes half an hour to arrive; we’ll leave at 9.30 am.”
But this is not me. Where’s the extra half an hour for inevitable problems (or the extra 4 hours if it involves an airport)? Where’s the spare time for enjoying peace in the car once we’ve parked? What if there’s nowhere to park? What if we want to stop for an emergency coffee? I can’t begin to tell you the panic I feel if we leave on time or, even worse, a minute late!
On a positive note, I haven’t seen any mosquitoes for weeks.
Until next time xx
Living-your-best-life 