Why do we care what people think: A closer look!

Posted bymeadandreaPosted inLive your best life

Welcome to this month’s blog and a subject close to my heart.

Why do we spend time caring about what people think?  I always wanted to be more like the inspirational Coco Chanel, who famously said, “I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t think about you at all.”

The truth is that Humans are, by nature, social animals.  We want to belong, to be accepted, and to bond with other members of our social “pack.” But there’s certainly a point at which caring about what others think becomes unhealthy. For good health, we must be careful not to change our principles, core traits, or overall belief system to fit in.

I had a real problem when I started working in the City of London.  Through hard work and some good luck, I progressed quickly and found myself in a senior role with a good deal of responsibility.  I wasn’t degree educated, and some colleagues resented my success.  Some were more outspoken than others, but I started suffering from imposter syndrome, doubting my abilities, and feeling like a fraud. It’s relatively common, especially in women, and it disproportionately affects high-achieving people, who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments. Even though my progression was based on results (I was in sales), I still questioned whether I deserved my career advancement.

Over time I toughened up; I needed to survive, but I continued to worry about what other people thought of me, and I would often try and be overly nice to compensate.  So, if you’re like me, what to do about it?

Firstly, we must remind ourselves that people don’t talk about us as much as we think. They have much fewer opinions about us, both positive and negative than we imagine.

But we must accept that “some” people will have opinions of us.  There’s no use in trying to avoid all judgment – it’s simply impossible. For better or worse, assessing other people is a natural part of social interaction.  Some of us have learned to appreciate the individuality of others. We avoid gossiping and never (well, hardly ever) judge. But some do, and we must accept that we can’t change that.

In today’s world, we’re connected to hundreds of people through work, school, family, and, more worryingly, social media.  Not all their opinions matter equally. Decide whom you’ll turn to for advice and external approval. Don’t give random folk a say in your life.  Make sure you befriend people who support you, give you positive energy, and disconnect from those who don’t. Stop trying to please everyone; it’s exhausting. Learn only to please one person daily; the others must wait their turn.

Before I go, thank you for all the kind messages I have received about my AS flare-up.  There were also some useful tips I’ve taken on board and will write about in future blogs.  I’m feeling much better now, and I’ve managed to reduce the number of pills I was taking, so I’ve stopped rattling when I walk.  Yoga has been my “go-to”, and I know I harp on about it, but I can’t stress enough how good it is.

I always giggle when people sign off an email or message with “hope that helps” when providing you with what they think is useful advice.

Hope this helps 😊

Until next time xxxxx

Published by meadandrea

Blogger, writer, author, love to travel, photographer

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