Hello to all my readers! You truly excelled last month, as I achieved my highest monthly readership ever. In this blog, we’re going to discuss our obsession with being liked and how your life can change if you accept that not everyone will like you—after all, not everyone has good taste! 😊
As someone who often sought to be liked, I understand the journey towards letting go of the need for universal approval. Like me, if you can find the freedom that comes from shifting away from people-pleasing and embracing self-acceptance, it leads to greater personal peace.
Where does our need to be liked come from?
Human beings are social creatures, and our ancestors relied on social groups for survival. Being accepted and liked within a group meant access to food, shelter, and protection from predators.
While the need for physical survival may be less pressing in modern times, the desire for social acceptance and approval persists. We may equate being liked with self-worth, and the fear of rejection can be a powerful motivator for self-improvement.
Early childhood experiences, particularly relationships with parents and caregivers, can also shape our need to be liked. If a child’s needs for attention and validation were not consistently met, they might develop a stronger need for external approval.
Is social media making it worse?
In today’s world, many of us are led to believe that striving for universal likability is the norm. So yes, social media amplifies this desire through its inherent mechanisms of validation, dopamine release, and self-presentation. This creates a continuous cycle where people seek approval and compare themselves to others. This then leads to anxiety, and even a greater emphasis on external validation rather than self-worth.
How does our desire to be liked show itself?
Our desire to be liked can manifest in various ways, including prioritising social acceptance over personal needs and even altering our behaviour to fit in or gain approval. Here are some examples.
People pleasing – Prioritising others’ needs and opinions over your own, often at the expense of your well-being and boundaries.
Fear of Rejection – An intense fear of being disliked or rejected, which can lead to excessive efforts to avoid conflict or criticism
Conformity – Unconsciously adopting the behaviors, beliefs, or values of a group or individual to fit in and be accepted. As a teenager, I smoked to “fit in”, and quitting turned into a bloody nightmare.
Unrealistic Expectations – Setting unattainable standards for ourselves to meet the expectations of others, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
Difficulty Saying No – Struggling to set boundaries or refuse requests, even when it goes against your own needs or values.
How can we change?
This is the crucial part, so make sure to implement these five takeaways. If you’re committed to changing your life, you will find a way to adopt these tips; if not, you will make excuses.
- Stop overthinking social interactions and shut down the “inner voice” that frets over others’ opinions. Trust your values, if someone doesn’t like them, tough shit.
- Learn the power of saying “no” as it reinforces your autonomy and builds self-confidence. It will also shape a social circle that aligns with your true self, making it easier to accept that not everyone will stick around—and that’s a win. Individuals with fewer friends and more meaningful connections tend to be happier than those who seek shallow, widespread approval.
- Stop seeking digital validation. When I first started writing my blog, I became overly focused on gaining likes and approval from others. After four years, I’ve realised that I no longer care about who likes my content and who doesn’t. I write because I enjoy it, and it’s become a source of income for me. If my writing helps others, that’s a welcome bonus.
- Practice being unapologetically you. Celebrate the bravery of embracing your quirks, even if it turns some people off. Ruffling a few feathers is the cost of a life well-lived.
- Finally, “don’t sit on the bloody fence”—it makes you boring. I make Jamie smile with my intolerance for those who don’t speak up when their opinions are needed because they’re afraid of causing conflict. In such situations, you may end up upsetting more people by remaining silent than by expressing your thoughts.
In the end, being disliked is just life’s way of sorting the wheat from the chaff—or, in my case, the cool cats from the grumpy grumps. So, I’ll keep dancing to my own offbeat tune, even if it means a few folks are booing from the sidelines 😊
See you soon xxxxxxx
Living-your-best-life 