Hi, everyone, and welcome to my first blog of 2024. This is your year for everyone whose birthday is 29th February; make it count.

Before I start, I wanted to announce that I haven’t made any New Year resolutions for the rationale I’ll explain later, but for some unknown reason, I stopped drinking on Christmas Eve. I’ve no idea why I’ve gone alcohol-free, as I’m not a massive drinker, but let’s see how long it lasts. I also read an article over Christmas suggesting that coffee drinkers live longer.  That’s it, then; I’m immortal.

Moving on, I’m going to chat about overthinking.  This is my specialist subject, and, in a nutshell, it’s the art of creating problems that weren’t even there.  Mostly, I have 99 problems, and 92 of them are completely made-up scenarios in my head that I’m stressing about for no logical reason.  When I worked in the City, an old boss said, “Andrea, work and stress go hand in hand. If you aren’t stressed, you aren’t working”.  I’m not sure he’d get away with that now 😊 and no, I definitely couldn’t give up alcohol in those days.

If you’re an overthinker, your mood often depends on how people respond to you. You’re so sensitive to people’s emotions that you notice slight changes in their behaviour and think, if the changes are negative, it’s your fault.  I’m definitely guilty of 2 of these traits, do any of them resonate with you? If so, keep reading.

 ✔Imaging the worst-case scenario or outcome

 ✔Dwelling on past events or situations.

 ✔Second-guessing decisions you’ve made.

 ✔Replaying your mistakes in your mind.

 ✔Recalling conversations and hoping you said the right thing

 ✔Fixating on things you can’t control, change or improve.

People overthink for lots of reasons, and you create an endless cycle of worry. It plays havoc with your peace of mind and hinders your ability to sleep. 

And I haven’t finished yet! 

For me and anyone else who suffers from autoimmune disease, because overthinking causes stress, the hormone cortisol is released in the body, which in turn weakens the immune system, exacerbating existing problems and placing us at higher risk of suffering from allergies, infections, and diseases.  The list is endless.

Because I’m a serial overthinker, I’ve had to devise techniques to try and manage this flaw in my personality, and if you’re an overthinker, perhaps they can help you, too.  I appreciate that these techniques are always banded around in self-help books, but this is because they really do work.

1 – Distraction. If I find myself overthinking, I’ll do “something” to distract myself from my thoughts.  I love reading, writing, yoga, and exercise; any hobby or pastime you enjoy will help.

2 – Upbeat music. It makes me dance, which is the best distraction ever.

3 – A power walk.  It calms the mind-chatter, especially if you’re short of time. It would be best to walk quickly, even though it looks a bit daft.

4 – Mindfulness. Yes, I know! I used to mock it until I started to practice it.  Try YouTube videos to learn techniques. There are loads of free ones to get you started.  Sometimes, I only have 5 minutes to spare, but it makes a difference.

Before I sign off, regular blog readers know that I’ve always had a life plan. I officially started it in my 30s. It’s iterative, and it’s an important part of my life.  I don’t make resolutions for the New Year because they don’t work; you need to visualise an outcome and plan how to achieve it. You will never accomplish your dreams if you don’t have a plan. I’ve always set specific goals and worked hard to reach them.  I’ve learnt to visualise success and positive outcomes and always practice gratitude.

2024 is the year Jamie and I may achieve a goal we’ve been working towards for a long time, and I’ll keep you updated on our progress, but for now, I wish you a New Year filled with joy, laughter, and endless possibilities.

Until next time….. xxxx

Hello, and welcome to my last blog of the year.  2023 has not been my easiest year; I’ve had many challenges.  My last difficult year was 2013, so I might hibernate in 2033 😊. On a positive note, difficult times remind us how strong we are, to be thankful, and that life continues; I’m certainly looking forward to 2024 with enthusiasm.

This month, I will discuss why successful people are removing themselves from social media. Before I go on the attack, there are some positives for me. I love seeing posts and photos from friends and family, especially those across the waters. I especially like photography tutorials and all the free workouts I use on YouTube.  I also benefit from researching my blog topics without sifting through books in the library. But I also appreciate the dangers and worry about our younger generations, as I’m sure their addiction to social media will affect their future for reasons I’ll explain below.

So why ditch social media?

Because we are losing our ability to concentrate, many people can’t focus long enough to read a book!  The cognitive cost of constant connectivity is starting to resonate with clever people.

Now, I appreciate these are big statements, but continue reading, and all will become clear.

Short attention spans are driven by the dopamine kick of social media – short clips and concise bite-size text and then swiftly onto the next topic. All the platforms work similarly, and as well as influencing our attention span, social media can also make us anxious, which affects the way we think. It seems everyone has an opinion on everyone and everything, and the worst thing is that these opinions are made by people who don’t know much about anything.

I once had a row on Facebook; how ridiculous is that?  During the COVID lockdown, I was fed up with being unable to see my friends and family and scrolling aimlessly through Facebook. I came across a picture of loads of people on Brighton Beach.  This wasn’t against the rules, and whilst it was busy, everyone was out in the fresh air and enjoying their beach day.

Someone commented on how stupid the British people were.  This person didn’t live in the UK, and I let rip.  Anyway, my point is that this row didn’t make me feel better; it made me feel worse as we batted rude comments back and forth for about an hour. Eventually, I gave up, realising the stress my stupidity was causing me. 

Using apps like Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram activates the brain’s reward centre by releasing dopamine, “the feel-good chemical.”  But the feel-good is temporary, and the reality is that social media is designed to get us addicted. 

Take Snapchat, for example. Snap streaks are the way to measure “success” on Snapchat. On Instagram, it’s about likes; on Snapchat, it’s about the streak. A snap streak is when you’ve sent snaps directly to a person for a prolonged time. To get the streak, you must do it each day. If you miss a day, you lose the streak.  For some teens, snap streaks can measure how much you care about someone or how much they care for you.

It’s awful that social media apps are designed to mess with our brains. Not only do they shorten our ability to concentrate, but with the younger generations can lead to placing self-worth on the number of likes, followers, or snaps they receive.  How terrible is that? There will always be people who don’t like us, and it doesn’t matter; it really doesn’t! That’s life, so accept it.

I know I’m old, but my message to the younger generations and anyone who spends too much time staring into their phone is this.  Invest that time in yourself rather than spending time on social media.  Invest in your growth; invest in achieving your dreams. Your true asset is your knowledge and your experience, so don’t let social media screw that up. A short attention span will, without doubt, hinder your ability to live a happy, fulfilling, successful life.

On that note, I’ll stop lecturing and wish you a happy Christmas. Don’t spend too much time on social media; you’ll open up YouTube to watch a 3-minute music video, and 5 hours later, you’re watching a tutorial on how to talk to giraffes.

Thank you for supporting my blog to raise awareness of autoimmune disease.  Until next year, xxxxx

A picture is worth 1,000 words, but this one isn’t quite as I’d imagined.  I’d envisaged Belle, my daughter’s gorgeous spaniel, in my arms with the autumn leaves falling gently around us, complementing her autumnal glossy coat.  Never work with animals or children most definitely came to mind!  Belle doesn’t do blog photos.

This month, I’m going to rabbit on about Happy Ears, and if you have them, there’s a small change you can make to make life easier.

I always thought that communication was key until I had a lightbulb moment on realising that comprehension is.  If the person you communicate with doesn’t understand you, it’s silent chaos!

Communication and comprehension are two sides of the same coin. During my sales career, I learned I could prepare and polish my message to the best of my ability. Still, if the other party didn’t comprehend what I was trying to convey, I wouldn’t be as successful as I’d hoped, and I’ve got a memory bank full of unsuccessful sale pitches!

This doesn’t just apply to sales; it applies to all aspects of our lives – our relationships, our family, negotiating with our teenagers or toddlers, and even asking a favour.  We need to be clear in conveying our message.

So, acknowledging this, we must also take responsibility to understand what we are told. This brings me nicely onto the subject of “Happy Ears”. 

Happy Ears drive me up the wall. These days, people are more distracted and often don’t listen to what is being said with their full attention. I accept that, but happy ears are different from being distracted. This is when people do listen but only hear what they want to hear, for example, the nice, fluffy, happy stuff.

People naturally want to learn the truth, yet often refrain from listening properly because it makes them stressed or uncomfortable. People generally want to hear only what they like; we’re wired in a way that opposition and rejection are too difficult to handle for us. The truth sounds good in theory, especially if it’s the truth with which we agree or that positions us in a favourable light. When we hear the truth that isn’t so pleasant, we start to resist, which can cause no end of problems. This can also be the case when we talk to doctors, solicitors, our boss, or anyone we feel uncomfortable or intimidated by.

So, here’s what to practice if you think your ears are happy.

• Try to face the person you are listening to and make eye contact. I know it’s uncomfortable, but it gets easier with practice.
• Look for nonverbal clues, too. The tone of voice, facial expressions and gestures are all important.  I use gestures a lot, demonstrated by the amount of drinks I’ve knocked over in the pub!
• Don’t interrupt, and don’t start thinking about what you’re going to say next
• Try not to judge or act emotionally about what is being said, as it will get in the way of listening.  This is hard!
• When it’s your turn, ask questions to clarify
• Then, summarise to show you’ve understood. It sounds a bit formal, but it works, especially if you need to buy time or are nervous; it gives you control. When I go to a hospital appointment for my AS, I often take a notebook, especially if it’s to discuss recent scans, blood tests or medication. It helps me to understand and remember what’s been said when I get home.

If you can turn off your happy ears, life will be easier.  It will help you avoid conflict, the one thing I hate, as I’m sure most of you do. It will positively impact life, your health, and relationships too. I can’t guarantee it will help with teenagers and toddlers, though!

Before I go, I wonder how many of you are like me. I always arrive early for EVERYTHING! This isn’t great, especially in Winter, as I have to kill time in the cold rather than sit in my nice warm house or office and leave at an appropriate time.

I wish I was more like normal people:

“We need to be there at 10 am, and it takes half an hour to arrive; we’ll leave at 9.30 am.”

But this is not me. Where’s the extra half an hour for inevitable problems (or the extra 4 hours if it involves an airport)? Where’s the spare time for enjoying peace in the car once we’ve parked? What if there’s nowhere to park? What if we want to stop for an emergency coffee?  I can’t begin to tell you the panic I feel if we leave on time or, even worse, a minute late! 

On a positive note, I haven’t seen any mosquitoes for weeks.

Until next time xx

Here we are, well into Autumn, and the colours are captivating, even though it was sad to say goodbye to summer.  The only thing I dislike about Autumn is that Winter comes next. Christmas cards always portray a romantic image of winter in England: snow-covered rolling hills and small robins chirping on a red post box.  Rosy-cheeked children are running around sporting woolly hats, scarves, and gloves, building a snowman with a carrot for a nose and a smile.  

But here’s the thing: unless you live in Scotland or Yorkshire, the reality is so different; it’s freezing cold, grey, mostly raining, and very dark! And while I’m on a rant, who came up with bloody dry January?

Moving on, this month, I’m chatting about a very serious subject, disinformation and the fight against fake news, especially in the age of Artificial Intelligence. I know it’s hard to believe, but false information is deliberately and often covertly spread by planting rumours to influence public opinion or obscure the truth.  It’s incredibly worrying because it poses serious risks for our society, the financial markets, and democracy.  Disinformation is even more dangerous than misinformation, and it’s important to understand the difference.

Misinformation is just getting the facts wrong.

Disinformation is incorrect information deliberately intended to mislead—intentionally misstating the facts.

You won’t be surprised to learn that disinformation is particularly targeted at significant events that greatly impact our society. For example, we saw a flurry of disinformation relating to COVID-19 during and in the wake of the pandemic, and unfortunately, now disinformation is rife about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Social media makes it easy for the superspreaders to get a voice. Even though some platforms say they are working on doing more, none have successfully removed all deliberately misleading content from their site.

Whilst the world continues to understand and try to address this issue, I think we can all play a role in stopping the spread of this dangerous trend.  Social media is built for things to go viral, so let’s not help the superspreaders achieve their objective. In my humble opinion, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Facebook are the worst, and I hope you find these takeaways useful.

• Never like or share a post on social media without fact-checking.
• Look for the sources and remember that mainstream news is only as good as the sources they rely on.
• Consider the story’s agenda and the agenda of their writers or reporters
• View articles that play with emotion with caution. Unfortunately, scammers and propagandists know the power of emotion and use that tool in their work. Therefore, fact-checking is even more important on emotive subjects.

I started this month’s blog by talking about Autumn, and I’ll finish by moaning about the end of British Summer Time. 

What exactly does Daylight Saving mean anyway? Apparently, turning the clocks forward in March and back in October aims to make better use of daylight by prolonging the amount of time we can spend outside during daylight hours.  But does it work?

It’s generally assumed that our evenings are longer during Daylight Saving as the sun sets one hour later. But that’s not entirely true.

On the day after DST starts, the Sun rises and sets later on the clock, creating the illusion of a longer evening, but DST only affects our official time set by the authorities. It doesn’t alter the Sun’s course or sunrise and sunset times.  I guess what DST does achieve is to change the time we use to schedule our daily routines, and that’s why we’ll all have our office blinds closed by mid-afternoon in December.  It’s also “National How To Change The Microwave Clock Day”.

Thank you for reading and sharing my blog to raise autoimmune disease awareness. Winter is much more difficult for those of us who suffer in silence, well, in my case, not so silently.

Remember, your fake plants will die if you don’t pretend to water them 😊

Until next time xx

A comfort zone can be very beautiful, but nothing ever grows there! That’s what I was told when I was packed off on a two-day sales training course many moons ago. 

My most memorable takeaway from that course (besides the bar bill) was that our comfort zone is a mental state that does not allow personal growth. It may be OK to be there for a while, but if you want to continue to grow and adjust to new situations, this is not a place to stay.   As we get older, we begin to fear failure much more than when we were young. This fear takes an emotional toll on us, and unless we change our thoughts and stop fearing it, we’ll never leave our comfort zone.

The biggest and scariest step I made outside my comfort zone was moving from a salaried job to setting up our business with my husband, Jamie.  It was 2008, and not having financial security during our first couple of years was frightening.  However, it was incredibly rewarding when we realised we were running a successful company working with some of the largest financial software companies in the world. 

Until this week, I don’t think I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone physically.  I’ve climbed various mountains (I’m talking about Scafell rather than Everest) and walked some tough terrains, but I haven’t been apprehensive about a challenge until my latest adventure – camping.

Now, those who know me will laugh as I appreciate that I don’t come across as a camping type of girl.  While I love the great outdoors, I love my home comfort, so living outside in a tent has never appealed.  This little adventure went beyond my zone, as one leg of the journey was by boat.  I don’t like boats; it’s not that I get sick, it’s just that I stay on.  Hours after the journey’s finished, I’m still swishing and swaying through the rest of the day.  In addition, I had my AS to think about, which was my biggest concern.

I was looking forward to visiting the Isles of Scilly. If you’ve never been, there are two modes of transport.  You can travel on the Scillonian ferry from Penzance in Cornwall, which is notoriously bad in rough weather or on a small plane from Newquay, Exeter, or Lands End. We chose to fly from Lands End.  My good friend Google had provided me with sufficient information about the Scillonian to rule out this mode of transport.  We were on a cricket tour, and most of our tour party had chosen the ferry. Those of us on the small (and I mean very small) plane were known as the “prawn sandwich brigade” 😊.

Once we arrived at St Mary’s (the island’s transport hub), we had to transfer to our Island, St Agnes, by boat.  St Agnes is unspoilt, astonishingly peaceful, and on the most south-westerly edge. It measures just a mile across and has a community of around 80 people.  Yes, it’s remote!

So here I am, swishing and swaying, on a remote Island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean camping. I won’t chat about the tour itself as obviously “what goes on tour stays on tour”, but after the first evening’s shenanigans, we sat outside the tent and watched the stars; it was magical.  Then we went to bed.  Now, if you’re craving a horrible night’s sleep, I recommend camping.  Getting up in the middle of the night for a wee, searching for your torch in the dark, getting your shoes on because it’s been raining and it’s wet and muddy outside and locating the toilet block is a marathon.  Trying to get back to sleep after these escapades is almost impossible.  I slept in my clothes after that to reduce the effort.

On Saturday night, the weather deteriorated. The wind and rain were howling, and as our tent was only a few metres away from the sea, I was seriously concerned we’d be swept away, never to be seen again. Jamie described it as akin to being in a washing machine on rinse for 6 hours; he wasn’t wrong.  It also rained on Sunday, and we got very wet.

But here’s the thing: I loved it, and I’m already missing my outdoor living.  I’m proud that I didn’t moan and didn’t use my AS as an excuse not to go.  I learned many new skills and was particularly proud that I can now blow dry and straighten my hair without a mirror.  I couldn’t believe my luck when I found GHDs in the shower room.  I’d had to remove mine from my bag as Jamie didn’t think they were essential.

So that’s about it for this month.  As I write my blog, some of our cricket tour are still on the wonderful island of St Agnes, and I have serious FOMO!  Fear Of Missing Out is a subject for a future blog.

Until next time, don’t forget life always begins one step outside your comfort zone.

Lots of love xx

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Yay, it’s sunny again. The 40 days and 40 nights of rain have finished following the downpour on St. Swithin’s Day, and now we can enjoy an Indian summer.

This month’s blog is about happiness. Can we learn to be happy?  I think so, and here’s my thoughts. I’ll start by being a bit controversial; people I’ve met over the years with a happy demeanour often have a deep gratitude. Those I’ve met who are mostly miserable often have a sense of entitlement.  Still reading??

I know we can’t always feel happy or make ourselves happy; events in our life we have no control over determine that, especially for those who suffer with their mental health or long term illness. For the purpose of this this blog, let’s focus on the things we can control that may help us be happier.  

So, let’s begin with entitlement! Generally, “entitled” people feel sorry for themselves; they often crave adoration, are not great at compromising, and believe their needs should take priority.  On the other hand, those who have a sense of gratitude are mostly forgiving people who accept responsibility for their failures, set goals and often have a life plan, even if it’s not written down. They are happier people.

Also, contrary to what you might think, it’s not career achievement or money that makes us happy. The most consistent finding learned through 85 years of research concludes that positive relationships keep us more satisfied, healthier and help us live longer. Bearing that in mind, here are my “happiness takeaways”.

Having lots of money will never buy you happiness, BUT!

Life is about living, not about accumulating money and possessions.  However, here’s the harsh reality: to live a reasonable life, you must work hard to make enough money to pay the bills. Working hard also fills you with pride that being idle doesn’t. You need enough money to make memories with those you love and care about.

You are responsible for yourself.

There is no one to blame for your lack of happiness but yourself.  Yes, we’ve all had bad stuff happen, some people more than others, but to be happy, you must put the past behind you and take responsibility. You’re the one who dictates the course of your own life. Don’t wait for others to solve your problems; stop feeling sorry for yourself, find your goals and priorities, and go for them.

Worrying is a pointless waste of time and energy.

Worrying makes you unhappy. As you age, you’ll realise that everything you’ve worried about is no longer important. Focus on the things that matter in life.  I’m a worrier, and I wish I’d learned this lesson sooner (I’m still practicing 😊)

Just Do It!

I love the Nike strap line “just do it”. Thinking and doing are not the same.  When you value “the thinking mindset” more than “the doing mindset,” you’ll eventually end up with a list of ideas and plans, most of which will never get done.  Being a “doer” instead of a “thinker” requires discipline and commitment, but think of the sense of achievement and how happy that will make you.

Learn, Learn, Learn

Accepting everything at face value is boring and makes your life empty. Life is about discovering and learning new things. To find true meaning in life, you must look beyond the surface of things, be curious, and ask questions.

Relationships matter more than anything else.

As the research proves, relationships with others are the key to happiness. Be that our partner, children or otherwise, they provide us with true happiness and make us feel good about ourselves. That’s why it’s important always to nurture them. Don’t make life difficult for your loved ones.

To finish, I’ll return to my earlier statement about entitlement vs. gratitude – you’ll be much happier if you practice the latter. Where entitlement says, “I’m owed that,” gratitude says, “The world doesn’t owe me anything.” Where entitlement says, “I deserve this,” gratitude says, “Everything I get is a gift,” but perhaps not my autoimmune disease 😊

Once again, thank you so much for reading and sharing my blog to raise awareness of autoimmune disease.  I’m very grateful that it regularly reaches the top 3 monthly views. 

Don’t forget, gratitude is the wine of the soul; you now have a great excuse. Cheers!

Until next time xxxx

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I’ll start this month’s blog by talking about “luck”. Do you consider yourself lucky or unlucky?  I don’t believe I’ve prospered or succeeded through chance or good fortune, the dictionary definition of luck. I think I’ve just worked hard, like most of you.  I always felt that luck is a random phenomenon and, therefore, not something we can control.  But there’s lots of research, a good deal by Professor Richard Wiseman, suggesting that if you search for, create, and take advantage of new opportunities, you give yourself every opportunity to become lucky.

He recognises four traits as being associated with lucky people, and I’m only going to mention 1 of them as this is the subject of my blog.  If you want to read more about these other traits, I suggest buying the book “The Luck Factor”.  

Wiseman proposes that we should always take the opportunity to talk to strangers. I’m not someone who normally strikes up conversations with strangers – in fact, I sometimes avoid conversations on purpose. But the person sitting next to you on the train might offer you your next job, so I understand his point, and the book gives many more examples.

Jamie’s much better at talking to strangers than me and always improving his knowledge, so I’ve challenged myself to do it more, and it’s been fascinating. Those of you who follow me on social media will have noticed the amount of travelling we’ve done recently.  Jamie’s cricket has taken us to counties all over the southwest of England, some of which we haven’t visited before, and it’s been a wonderful experience.  We’ve been to Gloucestershire, Worcestershire, Somerset, Devon, Oxfordshire, and, more recently, Wembley, and on each trip, I’ve taken the opportunity to talk to locals about the place they live; a recent trip to Wembley was my favourite.

Whilst I spent many years working in London and loving it, I wasn’t sad to move away to a quieter, more peaceful existence.  The contrast between London and Cornwall is stark, and I was keen to understand why people still love living in London as they get older. The constant noise of sirens, planes flying low overhead, 24/7 traffic; this noise never stops, and to be honest, I found it distracting and a tad annoying.

We were playing against Middlesex at Wembley Cricket Club, a stone’s throw away from Wembley Stadium. Many locals had come to watch, giving me the perfect opportunity to talk about their lives living in a London suburb. London is one of the most multicultural cities in the world, with over a third of its population born in a foreign country, meaning you can find restaurants serving national dishes from almost every country on the planet. Like most cities, London is synonymous with high-rise buildings, financial and cultural centres, and inner-city living, but the suburbs remain a poorly understood part of London life.

During my chats, I wanted to understand what it’s like to live in these misunderstood, often stereotyped urban areas. I was fascinated to hear stories about how the suburbs make people feel alive—walking 5 minutes down the road in their graffiti-scrawled world where secret gardens and hidden pubs can be found.  People are comforted by the constant noise that I found annoying, listening to people laugh, shout, and cry, all going about their vastly different days. 

You can be you. You can hide away and ignore everyone or go to wild clubs every night and dress in outlandish fashions, and no one will care. Cities and urban areas are so diverse that you can be just what and who you want to be. You won’t be judged for how you live or how you look. You can get anywhere without a car at any time of the day or night.  One guy talked about wonderful street food in incredible detail with so much enthusiasm. The local cafés are social hubs, and despite my perception that Londoners often feel a lack of community and are more isolated, I came away with the feeling that it was completely the opposite.

I appreciate that we’re all different. Some of you reading my blog will enjoy living in your town, village or remote countryside cottage and couldn’t ever imagine liking City life. Others won’t be able to handle missing out on the energy, vibrancy and boundless possibilities that come with living in the urban areas of a thriving city.

I’m certainly not richer in my pocket by talking to strangers (yet!), but I am richer in my knowledge of life in the London suburbs.

Thank you for reading and sharing my blog; despite what we were taught as children, it’s good to talk to strangers (but only if you’re an adult 😊)

Until next time xx

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Welcome to this month’s blog and a subject close to my heart.

Why do we spend time caring about what people think?  I always wanted to be more like the inspirational Coco Chanel, who famously said, “I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t think about you at all.”

The truth is that Humans are, by nature, social animals.  We want to belong, to be accepted, and to bond with other members of our social “pack.” But there’s certainly a point at which caring about what others think becomes unhealthy. For good health, we must be careful not to change our principles, core traits, or overall belief system to fit in.

I had a real problem when I started working in the City of London.  Through hard work and some good luck, I progressed quickly and found myself in a senior role with a good deal of responsibility.  I wasn’t degree educated, and some colleagues resented my success.  Some were more outspoken than others, but I started suffering from imposter syndrome, doubting my abilities, and feeling like a fraud. It’s relatively common, especially in women, and it disproportionately affects high-achieving people, who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments. Even though my progression was based on results (I was in sales), I still questioned whether I deserved my career advancement.

Over time I toughened up; I needed to survive, but I continued to worry about what other people thought of me, and I would often try and be overly nice to compensate.  So, if you’re like me, what to do about it?

Firstly, we must remind ourselves that people don’t talk about us as much as we think. They have much fewer opinions about us, both positive and negative than we imagine.

But we must accept that “some” people will have opinions of us.  There’s no use in trying to avoid all judgment – it’s simply impossible. For better or worse, assessing other people is a natural part of social interaction.  Some of us have learned to appreciate the individuality of others. We avoid gossiping and never (well, hardly ever) judge. But some do, and we must accept that we can’t change that.

In today’s world, we’re connected to hundreds of people through work, school, family, and, more worryingly, social media.  Not all their opinions matter equally. Decide whom you’ll turn to for advice and external approval. Don’t give random folk a say in your life.  Make sure you befriend people who support you, give you positive energy, and disconnect from those who don’t. Stop trying to please everyone; it’s exhausting. Learn only to please one person daily; the others must wait their turn.

Before I go, thank you for all the kind messages I have received about my AS flare-up.  There were also some useful tips I’ve taken on board and will write about in future blogs.  I’m feeling much better now, and I’ve managed to reduce the number of pills I was taking, so I’ve stopped rattling when I walk.  Yoga has been my “go-to”, and I know I harp on about it, but I can’t stress enough how good it is.

I always giggle when people sign off an email or message with “hope that helps” when providing you with what they think is useful advice.

Hope this helps 😊

Until next time xxxxx

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It’s been a long time since I started my blog with a moan, and I don’t want to disappoint, so here we go.  I’ve had a flare-up of my AS, and it’s been a bad one.  I felt so fit when we returned from our walking holiday, but as is normal, when I’m feeling good, my body has different ideas and decides to launch its attack. The pain is significantly more intense and debilitating during a flare-up than the normal daily pain you learn to live with.  My biggest two worries are how many pills I must take to manage the pain and how much damage it’s doing to my spine. My body came with many terms and conditions I didn’t sign up for, and having an immune system that attacks itself is not the superpower I dreamed of.

Anyway, enough of my whingeing and onto my main subject this month: conflict. 

Do you like conflict, or are you like me and shy away from it? There are so many books on this subject, all of which I can never be bothered to read.  So, if that’s you too, here’s the 2-minute version to help you manage difficult situations.

When researching this blog, I started looking more closely at conflict, and it’s everywhere. Conflict with friends, family members, co-workers, and even strangers on Twitter! Conflicts arise naturally when we interact. The problem occurs when people associate conflict with anger and hurt feelings, but it doesn’t have to be this way.  My blog is about healthy ways to handle conflict. It’s a great skill to learn, and you’ll likely have many opportunities to practice it during your lifetime.

After involvement in a conflict it unsettles us, and our natural reaction is to plot our revenge. I’ve certainly spent time planning my revenge on a work colleague who stitched me up or spoke to me in a way I didn’t like.  Naturally, we get angry, but did we listen to the other person or refuse to compromise? Perhaps we shut down and walked out with the infamous door slam, avoiding confrontation altogether.

These are all natural reactions, and what I will say now is not easy to put into practice, but give it a try.  The next time you argue, think first, speak later. Silence is incredibly powerful and gives you time to plan your approach to seeking a resolution.

• Assess the situation.
• Think about the problem and if you’ve contributed to it. A conflict is rarely one person’s fault, even though we think it is.
• Figure out what you want and how to say it.
• I know it’s appealing, but don’t blame the other person. Instead, tell them what’s not working for you and take responsibility for your part in the conflict. 
• Listen carefully to what is being said; if you don’t understand, ask clarifying questions.
• Use your nice voice rather than the angry one 😊
• And finally, here’s the hard bit! While fighting for your point of view might be tempting, conflict is not about winning or losing. It’s about mutual understanding or mutual respect if you can’t reach that point.  

There have been occasions in my working life when I haven’t been able to resolve a situation. In this instance, it’s also OK to say, “Let’s agree to disagree for the time being”. You can always revisit the conversation after taking time out to reflect.  And finally, if it all goes wrong, you could try and add a bit of humour and say I’ll agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong”. 

Oh, how I love irony 😊.

On that note, until next time, xxx

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