Hi everyone, it’s me again!
I appreciate that this is my second blog post in a month, but after doing a little research, I’ve realised that I need to challenge my brain more. Now that I’m retired, I’ve noticed that at least 80% of my day revolves around being active—yoga, the gym, hiking and photography. I’m rarely still!
I also love reading and writing, so I’ve decided it’s time to give my brain a little more attention too. I bet you can’t wait to read more of my thoughts!
My last blog about St Agnes attracted my highest readership this year, so here we go again!
When I wrote about today’s topic last year, it became my most popular post in the four years I’ve been blogging. This time, I want to take a slightly different approach to the same subject: Emotional Intelligence, or EQ.
I hope you find some useful takeaways, because apparently, EQ could be one of the keys to a happier life.
So, what exactly is Emotional Intelligence?
Let’s start with the basics.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is our ability to recognise, understand and manage our own emotions, while also recognising and responding appropriately to the emotions of others.
EQ is generally described through four key areas:
- Self-awareness
- Self-regulation
- Social awareness
- Social skills
I’ll explain each of these in more detail later.
On a personal note, I don’t wish to blow my own trumpet, but apparently, I have a high EQ score. I only mention this to establish my credibility in this area. Thankfully, it’s a positive trait, particularly as I suspect my IQ is fairly average! 😊
How do I know?
Without going into too much detail, I was tested in my last proper job, where I held a relatively senior role. As part of the management team, we needed to understand our individual strengths and weaknesses so that we could communicate more effectively, lead our teams and ultimately create a happier and more productive workforce.
We therefore underwent a full analysis day, followed by an official emotional intelligence test.
A little self-awareness goes a long way
Let me give you an example.
I personally dislike excessive detail. Some people, however, absolutely thrive on it. They need all the information, every possible explanation and probably a few more details just for good measure!
That’s simply how they communicate.
Having good emotional intelligence means recognising that my impatience is my issue, not theirs. Even though I may understand what they’re saying within the first few seconds, I can remain attentive for the next five minutes without looking bored, switching off or, ideally, losing my sh*t.
That’s self-awareness.
Some members of our management team had lower EQ scores than others. That didn’t make them better or worse than me—it simply highlighted our differences.
I worked alongside some incredibly intelligent people, many of whom were considerably smarter than I am, and I often wondered how I had ended up in my position!
I can only assume that my EQ helped me navigate some of the difficult situations that came with it.
Can we improve our EQ?
So, what can we actually take away from all this?
First, let’s talk about IQ.
Can we increase our intelligence, or are we simply born smart?
Well, the answer isn’t quite as straightforward as you might think. Intelligence is influenced by a combination of genetics and environment, and although there is no magic formula for dramatically increasing IQ, education and other experiences can influence cognitive abilities over time.
But here’s the exciting bit.
Emotional intelligence is something we can develop at any stage of life.
The skills associated with EQ can be learned, practised and refined.
Understanding what emotional intelligence means is only the beginning. Putting those skills into practice is where the real transformation happens.
Even if emotional intelligence doesn’t come naturally to you, with awareness and practice, you can become much better at it.
And that’s something worth working on.
So, what are the traits of someone with a high EQ?
1. Self-awareness
Self-awareness is the ability to recognise and understand our own emotions and, importantly, recognise how those emotions can affect the people around us.
It’s the foundation of emotional intelligence because we can’t manage something we don’t recognise.
Once we become more self-aware, we can begin to develop the second skill: self-regulation.
2. Self-regulation
Self-regulation is our ability to manage our emotions and behaviour rather than allowing our emotions to manage us.
It starts with recognising how we feel.
When something pushes our buttons, someone with good self-regulation can pause, take a breath and think before reacting.
Instead of losing their temper, throwing something across the room and dramatically slamming the door on the way out.
I know.
This is easier said than done!
3. Social awareness
Social awareness is about understanding the emotions of other people.
People with strong social awareness tend to be empathetic. They can pick up on how someone else is feeling, even when those feelings aren’t being openly expressed.
It’s about looking beyond the words and noticing the person behind them.
And that can make a huge difference to our relationships.
4. Social skills
Finally, we have social skills.
These are the skills that allow us to communicate effectively, influence others, manage conflict, build relationships and inspire the people around us.
They’re not just useful at work, either.
They’re essential for creating and maintaining healthy relationships throughout our lives.
And then there are those days…
Imagine this.
You’ve had a ridiculously stressful day. You’re exhausted, you’re late, you’ve still got a list of jobs as long as your arm, and then you discover that your online shopping order has somehow arrived with the 6 bottles of wine you use as a placeholder, but none of the things you actually needed.
On top of that, the phone won’t stop ringing, and someone has just asked you, “What’s for dinner?”
Those of us with a well-developed EQ can hopefully stop ourselves from screaming, poking our own eyes out or drowning our sorrows in whatever happens to be in the fridge.
But it takes practice! 😊
And finally…
On that note, with my self-awareness skills fully engaged, I think I’ll say goodbye before I bore you to death.
If you’ve managed to read all the way to the end, well done!
And if you gave up halfway through…
You missed the best part. 😉