I recently experienced vulnerability. It was such a powerful emotion that it inspired me to write this blog.
Before we continue, I want to share a story with you. A few years ago, a friend called me after losing her job. Instead of the usual “I’m fine”, she said, “Andrea, I’m struggling, I feel like I’m not good enough anymore”. That single moment of raw honesty didn’t make her seem weak; it made her real, with a strength I could only admire, and I told her so. I left the conversation feeling closer to her and strangely more capable myself.
My own recent encounter reminded me of that conversation and encouraged me to explore this topic further. Being vulnerable is a daunting emotion. However, recognising your vulnerability and being able to express it is where your emotional intelligence comes into play. One depends on the other, and together they help you foster deeper connections, better self-regulation, and authentic resilience. If you’ve ever wondered why “strong, silent types” often struggle with relationships while openly human people seem to thrive emotionally, this post is for you.
Let’s explore each one separately.
Vulnerability is the willingness to openly express your true feelings, thoughts, or weaknesses, even at the risk of being hurt, rejected, or judged. It means allowing others to see you as you are, without hiding or shielding yourself emotionally.
Common examples of vulnerability include trying something new, especially in front of others. Falling in love, trusting someone, or having a difficult conversation all require you to relinquish control and embrace uncertainty. In the workplace, it involves admitting you made a mistake and explaining how you will rectify it, or perhaps sharing that you are overwhelmed by your workload and asking for support to prioritise it.
Emotional intelligence involves being wise with feelings, recognising when you’re feeling vulnerable, and maintaining control rather than reacting impulsively with the odd “dramatic door slam” thrown in. You will build better connections with others and notably improve your work and personal life.
Before I share my practical tips, here are two stories from real life that helped me to understand the power of vulnerability and emotional intelligence combined.
When Satya Nadella became CEO of Microsoft, he shifted the company’s culture from a “know-it-all” approach to a “learn-it-all” approach. He openly shared stories, including how he cared for his son with cerebral palsy, which taught him empathy and patience, and he admitted he didn’t have all the answers. This vulnerability helped demonstrate his emotional intelligence. Recognising his own emotions built trust throughout the company. The result? Greater innovation, employee engagement, and improved company performance.
Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability is widely acknowledged. However, confronting her own vulnerabilities was an essential step in her journey to success. In one of her case studies, she describes a therapist who helped her face her vulnerabilities by openly admitting her struggles with shame and fear. Her work demonstrates that people who embrace vulnerability—such as saying, “I’m struggling,” instead of pretending everything is fine—develop greater emotional intelligence.
I can recall several moments in my life when I felt incredibly vulnerable. In those times, I often chose to keep those feelings locked away, thinking it was the best approach. But looking back, I realise that opening up could have led to much more positive outcomes.
With that in mind, here are three ways to cultivate your emotional intelligence and embrace vulnerability over the coming week!
Each day, take a moment to identify and express one specific feeling you are experiencing.
Pause and ask yourself, “What am I really feeling right now, and why?” Identify it (e.g., “I’m anxious about this deadline because I fear disappointing my team” rather than just “I’m stressed”). Then, share that feeling with a colleague, partner, or friend, without sugarcoating or trying to fix it. Notice how this enhances self-awareness; most people will notice less inner tension by day three.
Request help or feedback from a boss, a colleague, a partner or friend
Choose a moment when you would typically try to resolve something on your own, like struggling with a task at work or at home, or feeling unsure about a decision. Say something vulnerable, such as: “I’m not sure how to handle this; can you help me think it through?” or “I’d love your feedback on how I handled that; I might have missed something.” This directly encourages vulnerability, practises empathy (by inviting the other person’s perspective), and ensures you’re open to whatever response comes up without shutting it down.
Practice active, non-judgmental listening in one conversation daily
This isn’t easy because you’re also bringing listening skills into the equation, which many of us lack! In a discussion (work, family, friends), focus fully: put your phone away, make eye contact, reflect on what you hear, and resist the urge to jump in with advice or share your own story. If emotions rise within you, notice them silently first (“I’m feeling defensive—why?”). This enhances empathy, while requiring vulnerability (you’re open to their full experience, even if it challenges you). Do this 3–5 times this week; it trains you to stay connected without armour.
Ultimately, for me, embracing my vulnerability isn’t about recklessly exposing myself (excuse the pun) or seeking discomfort for its own sake. It’s a conscious choice I make to show up as my true self—flawed, feeling, and completely human—in a world that often appears to reward the opposite. When we lean into those moments of openness, we build the skills that define emotional intelligence: increased self-awareness, genuine empathy for others, and the courage to form lasting connections.
I understand that this may not always be comfortable, but I’ve come to realise it leads to something far more valuable than any armour I could wear; it brings authentic strength and a life lived with greater clarity and purpose. I still have to remind myself to start small, remain consistent, and trust the process.
“Remember, there’s nothing more daring than showing up, putting ourselves out there and letting ourselves be seen” ……Dr Brené Brown
Until next time xxxxxxxxx
Living-your-best-life 