Driving through France

Summer is my favourite season; I love watching the sunrise with coffee and the sunset with a beer. During this time, our skin is healthy and tanned, and the seas and rivers are warm. We enjoy cold drinks, loud music, and nights that seem to last forever. Since Jamie and I are now semi-retired, we’ve debated whether to holiday during peak summer. It’s more expensive and busier, but the weather tends to be more predictable. I particularly enjoy the clear blue, cloudless skies, warm evenings, hot daytime temperatures, the rosy glow of the rising sun in the morning, and the vivid red and orange hues at sunset.

This year, we drove to France. I love France and enjoy the journey, especially being able to take whatever we want rather than the restricted luggage allowance you pay a fortune for on EasyJet. This year, besides my shoes, we took pillows, a few pans, my favourite spices, and much more. The reason for these additional items will become clear later.

Driving in France offers a much better experience than in the UK. While I admit you must pay tolls on major roads, you reach your destination quicker than spending endless hours stuck on the UK motorway network. I should mention that France has about two and a half times more space to build its infrastructure. There’s also no litter; either the French don’t throw litter out of their cars like many Brits, or they have a better system for clearing it from the roadside, but, nonetheless, it was a pleasant surprise. On the downside, you might encounter a few riots instead.

Our first stop was the Dordogne region, where we wanted to enjoy the magnificent walking before heading south to relax on a beach and put on about half a stone. This superb area is full of medieval villages, castles, impressive churches, stunning landscapes, and more caves than you’d ever want to visit. Jamie likes caves, so we visited a self-guided one, which I must admit was very enjoyable. The tourist brochures suggest that the best way to admire the Dordogne’s beauty is by hot air balloon, but, surprisingly, this didn’t appeal to me, so we had pre-planned some reasonably long walks to keep our feet on the ground.

We’d researched and booked our accommodation before we left, and it isn’t easy to describe the beauty that met us on our arrival.  The village was called Loubressac, and as we approached this quiet, remote hamlet on a hill, we were greeted by the sight of lovely stone houses with small, flowery gardens, brown terracotta roofs, and painted shutters – mostly in shades of burgundy – which were truly delightful. The houses are built in a lovely pale gold, almost white stone.  Dinner was served on the terrace of our hotel, looking out over the surrounding countryside and the Dordogne River meandering below.

II won’t go into detail about the walks themselves; suffice to say, they guided us through some of the most idyllic places we’ve ever visited. Autoire, a member of the ‘Most Beautiful Villages in France’, boasts a majestic landscape set against dramatic cliffs. The main square, where we sat to enjoy coffee, is magnificent, with a lovely fountain beautifully decorated with flowers. Around the edges of the square, the stone houses are charming. One house had the sound of cello music drifting into the peaceful street from its open windows. Nature makes us smile, and in addition to spotting a huge snake, we saw rare butterflies, stunning waterfalls, and colourful fields while listening to constant birdsong and noisy crickets.

The drive to the South-West coast was from Toulouse to avoid the carnage of the riots. The beaches of the Languedoc-Roussillon region are some of France’s best and border the Mediterranean Sea. For me, the lazy days reading on the beach, accompanied by dinner in one of the many restaurants and the lively bars with superb French DJs belting out Europop, are heaven. Ah, but why the pans, you ask? We rent an apartment because it’s cheaper than hotels and gives us more flexibility with our own space. Eating in for two or three nights during our stay is also a bonus, as I love shopping for local foods and practising our French culinary skills.

On our way home, we travel along the motorways with a single overnight stay at a travel hotel roughly halfway. The quickest route goes through Paris, which we’re used to, but alternative routes around it are available if preferred. The two-day drive is straightforward but exhausting. When you get back to the UK and discover the M26 westbound closed with a 17-mile diversion, you can only smile. After all, what’s a few extra minutes when the M25 still awaits?😊

Until next time xxxx

Why do we care what people think: A closer look!

Welcome to this month’s blog and a subject close to my heart.

Why do we spend time caring about what people think?  I always wanted to be more like the inspirational Coco Chanel, who famously said, “I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t think about you at all.”

The truth is that Humans are, by nature, social animals.  We want to belong, to be accepted, and to bond with other members of our social “pack.” But there’s certainly a point at which caring about what others think becomes unhealthy. For good health, we must be careful not to change our principles, core traits, or overall belief system to fit in.

I had a real problem when I started working in the City of London.  Through hard work and some good luck, I progressed quickly and found myself in a senior role with a good deal of responsibility.  I wasn’t degree educated, and some colleagues resented my success.  Some were more outspoken than others, but I started suffering from imposter syndrome, doubting my abilities, and feeling like a fraud. It’s relatively common, especially in women, and it disproportionately affects high-achieving people, who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments. Even though my progression was based on results (I was in sales), I still questioned whether I deserved my career advancement.

Over time I toughened up; I needed to survive, but I continued to worry about what other people thought of me, and I would often try and be overly nice to compensate.  So, if you’re like me, what to do about it?

Firstly, we must remind ourselves that people don’t talk about us as much as we think. They have much fewer opinions about us, both positive and negative than we imagine.

But we must accept that “some” people will have opinions of us.  There’s no use in trying to avoid all judgment – it’s simply impossible. For better or worse, assessing other people is a natural part of social interaction.  Some of us have learned to appreciate the individuality of others. We avoid gossiping and never (well, hardly ever) judge. But some do, and we must accept that we can’t change that.

In today’s world, we’re connected to hundreds of people through work, school, family, and, more worryingly, social media.  Not all their opinions matter equally. Decide whom you’ll turn to for advice and external approval. Don’t give random folk a say in your life.  Make sure you befriend people who support you, give you positive energy, and disconnect from those who don’t. Stop trying to please everyone; it’s exhausting. Learn only to please one person daily; the others must wait their turn.

Before I go, thank you for all the kind messages I have received about my AS flare-up.  There were also some useful tips I’ve taken on board and will write about in future blogs.  I’m feeling much better now, and I’ve managed to reduce the number of pills I was taking, so I’ve stopped rattling when I walk.  Yoga has been my “go-to”, and I know I harp on about it, but I can’t stress enough how good it is.

I always giggle when people sign off an email or message with “hope that helps” when providing you with what they think is useful advice.

Hope this helps 😊

Until next time xxxxx

How to resolve conflict without reading a book

It’s been a long time since I started my blog with a moan, and I don’t want to disappoint, so here we go.  I’ve had a flare-up of my AS, and it’s been a bad one.  I felt so fit when we returned from our walking holiday, but as is normal, when I’m feeling good, my body has different ideas and decides to launch its attack. The pain is significantly more intense and debilitating during a flare-up than the normal daily pain you learn to live with.  My biggest two worries are how many pills I must take to manage the pain and how much damage it’s doing to my spine. My body came with many terms and conditions I didn’t sign up for, and having an immune system that attacks itself is not the superpower I dreamed of.

Anyway, enough of my whingeing and onto my main subject this month: conflict. 

Do you like conflict, or are you like me and shy away from it? There are so many books on this subject, all of which I can never be bothered to read.  So, if that’s you too, here’s the 2-minute version to help you manage difficult situations.

When researching this blog, I started looking more closely at conflict, and it’s everywhere. Conflict with friends, family members, co-workers, and even strangers on Twitter! Conflicts arise naturally when we interact. The problem occurs when people associate conflict with anger and hurt feelings, but it doesn’t have to be this way.  My blog is about healthy ways to handle conflict. It’s a great skill to learn, and you’ll likely have many opportunities to practice it during your lifetime.

After involvement in a conflict it unsettles us, and our natural reaction is to plot our revenge. I’ve certainly spent time planning my revenge on a work colleague who stitched me up or spoke to me in a way I didn’t like.  Naturally, we get angry, but did we listen to the other person or refuse to compromise? Perhaps we shut down and walked out with the infamous door slam, avoiding confrontation altogether.

These are all natural reactions, and what I will say now is not easy to put into practice, but give it a try.  The next time you argue, think first, speak later. Silence is incredibly powerful and gives you time to plan your approach to seeking a resolution.

  • Assess the situation.
  • Think about the problem and if you’ve contributed to it. A conflict is rarely one person’s fault, even though we think it is.
  • Figure out what you want and how to say it.
  • I know it’s appealing, but don’t blame the other person. Instead, tell them what’s not working for you and take responsibility for your part in the conflict. 
  • Listen carefully to what is being said; if you don’t understand, ask clarifying questions.
  • Use your nice voice rather than the angry one 😊
  • And finally, here’s the hard bit! While fighting for your point of view might be tempting, conflict is not about winning or losing. It’s about mutual understanding or mutual respect if you can’t reach that point.  

There have been occasions in my working life when I haven’t been able to resolve a situation. In this instance, it’s also OK to say, “Let’s agree to disagree for the time being”. You can always revisit the conversation after taking time out to reflect.  And finally, if it all goes wrong, you could try and add a bit of humour and say I’ll agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong”. 

Oh, how I love irony 😊.

On that note, until next time, xxx

Spanish songs in Andalucía

The A Word: Spanish songs in Andalucía

I love the Clash, and this song was never far from my mind during our latest exploits.  But let me start at the beginning; how did we decide to do something out of our comfort zone?

The big question that goes through our mind, often subconsciously, before we make a purchasing decision is “What’s in it for me” more frequently known as WIIFM! What do I gain from giving my time to this activity? What are the advantages to me, personally? We want to be sure we’ll get something out of spending our hard-earned cash.

When I worked full-time in London, my hours were long and often stressful. Weekends were valuable, and holidays even more so. My WIIFM criteria were, first and foremost, a rest; I just wanted to lie on a beach and recuperate before returning to work revived and ready to go.

In semi-retirement, the beach holiday doesn’t appeal as much as it used to. I’m not a massive fan of lying around all day, and as I only ever sit in the shade, the WIIFM test doesn’t tick the box anymore.  Luckily Jamie is similar, so we decided to try something new outside our comfort zone, and it was truly one of the best experiences we’ve had. We went on a holiday to walk!

Everyone knows how much Jamie and I love walking, but why should walking tick everyone’s WIIFM box? Walking has so many advantages to our health. It increases heart and lung fitness and helps with joint and muscular pain; it’s mostly free and easy to do at any pace.  For those of us who suffer from chronic pain, walking releases natural pain­killing endorphins to the body, which I can certainly vouch for.  Research has also shown that walking daily can help lessen symptoms of mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression, so what’s not to like?

Today, many holiday companies focus on “slow travel”, e.g., walking or cycling, and we bought tickets to the travel show in London to do our research.  We decided to book our trip with a company called Inntravel, and we couldn’t have chosen better; they were amazing. As we’re relatively experienced hikers, we selected grade 2 and 3 walks, but many grade 1 options exist for those who want a gentler experience.  We also wanted self-guided (i.e. we didn’t want to walk in a group), as we like our independence.

We chose the mountain ranges in Andalucia mainly because we wanted to travel in March, and many mountain destinations are still covered in snow.

We flew to Malaga and transferred to Zahara de la Sierra, a glorious white village nestled in the mountains, which has one of the most stunning settings I’ve ever seen. There’s a castle perched on the hilltop standing proudly over the whitewashed village below, and this was our first climb before stopping at one of the local bars for a well-deserved beer.  Living in one of the most beautiful counties in the UK, we’re lucky to see spectacular scenery most days. However, we were in awe at the magnificence of the steep little cobbled streets, constantly stopping to take in the breathtaking views over the valley and lake below.

Our accommodation over the seven days comprised small B&Bs and guest houses with only a few rooms.  The view from the balcony of our first abode was amazing, and the following morning we opened the balcony doors to the sound of the most wonderful birdsong I’ve ever heard.  This theme continued; all our accommodation was stunning, with incredible views and a real ambience that made you feel happy and relaxed.  The small village of Grazalema was also a highlight; located in a high valley over 800m, it’s dominated by the magnificent rocky outcrop, Peñon Grande. The narrow streets are immaculately kept and lined by whitewashed houses with windows covered by wrought-iron rejas and plant pots spilling with colourful flowers.  Andreas, who owns the guest house, was such a wonderful host; cold beers were waiting for us on the veranda, looking down on the aqua water of the pool and the surrounding landscape. After a hard day walking, this welcome was very much appreciated.  The camaraderie with your fellow walkers is also fun and gets better and better as the week progresses as you see the same people arrive at the new location as you’d chatted to the night before over dinner.  Stories of our day unfolded as we talked over more beers.  Mostly we compared notes on where we got lost!

I won’t go into details about each daily walk except to say we were provided with GPS, a large map, and detailed notes for each trek. We only needed our day sacks as our luggage was transferred by car and waiting for us in our new room when we arrived tired, needing a shower, and hungry after a hard day’s hike. Some days were harder than others, and the villages and scenery we encountered on our journey were too beautiful to describe with my basic writing skills 😊.  I did find myself winging on a couple of occasions, but I know Jamie would miss it if I didn’t have a moan now and again.  I got a blister on day five and found one of the hikes from Grazalema to Benaojan particularly hard.  The terrain was difficult; it was incredibly hot, and even with GPS and Jamie’s superb navigation skills, finding our route across the mountain tops was particularly challenging.  We saw a lot of Spain that you don’t see on the coast. Country folk using donkeys to carry drinking water up to their hillside homes; some of the hardships people go through in their daily life stopped me from moaning too much.

We saw turtles, griffon vultures, eagles, deer, and mountain goats with bells around their necks.  The cows were too hot to follow us, unlike the cows in Cornwall, who always take a liking to us when crossing their fields.  The wildflowers were stunning, and the sun shone brightly on us daily.  We had a hearty breakfast daily, a picnic (provided by the guest house) for lunch and superb home-cooked evening meals, which we enjoyed immensely after our daily exertion. We were in bed by 10 pm and up bright and early the next morning to start again.

Our walking days felt incredibly therapeutic. We met a guy who’d been walking for five years. He’d started in Germany and was heading to Portugal with all his possessions on his back.  There was something I found appealing about his daily life.

Our last destination, Ronda, is one of Andalucia’s loveliest towns, steeped in history. There was so much to see beyond the view from the bridge over the plunging gorge which divides the town. We treated ourselves to a Spanish guitar concert which didn’t disappoint, and dinner at the most romantic restaurant with breathtaking sunset views over El Tajo Gorge and the valley below.  We also added an extra day to our trip, took the bus to Seville the following morning, and spent 24 hours sightseeing, made special by the semana santa festival.  I didn’t know about this festival and it was only by coincidence that our visit coincided with the magnificence of one of the biggest religious events in Andalucia.  If you google it, you’ll be treated to some fab photos.

We loved this holiday, and wanted it to go on longer. I’ve missed our days walking since we returned, but I’ve taken solace in reading the brochure and planning our next adventure.

Watch this space; we’ve just bought a tent 😊. 

Until next time, keep walking.

The greatest weapon against stress

This month’s blog is somewhat more serious than my usual style. It’s also very late! My creative writing skills have been missing, but here’s hoping they’ve returned, or this may be a dull read.

During a recent TV interview, Prince Harry said he’d lived most of his childhood in flight-or-fight mode.  I found these comments interesting as I researched this physiological response to fear as I’d experienced it recently.  I’m not going into detail other than to say that my Dad recently died after an accident, and the last six weeks have been a bit of a blur.

Jamie and I were overseas when I first learned of Dad’s accident.  My body immediately went into fight or flight mode.  I didn’t realise it then, but this fight or flight response is an automatic physiological reaction to an event we perceive as stressful or frightening. 

There are three stages of fight-or-flight: Alarm, Resistance and Exhaustion, and it’s thought to be a healthy response by the body to help deal with a crisis.  It didn’t feel “healthy” to me at the time. The alarm is the initial response, an adrenal surge, to deal with the trauma. Resistance comes next when the significant ongoing stress causes the body to remain constantly primed for action. This stage can last for long periods.  This then leads to the final stage – exhaustion or burnout, which I think is where I am now.  It has also exacerbated my autoimmune disease.

The term “fight-or-flight” represents our ancient ancestors’ choices when faced with danger: to fight or flee. Either way, the stress response prepares the body to react to the threat and is mostly considered good.  However, because the fight-or-flight response happens automatically, it can be inaccurate. Sometimes, we respond this way even when there is no real threat. This is because both real and imaginary threats can trigger the fight-or-flight response.  Phobias are good examples of how the fight-or-flight response might be falsely triggered, meaning people can live in this mode for much of their daily lives. 

Constantly being in a state of fight-or-flight is incredibly harmful to our overall well-being. Imagine feeling stressed all the time, and the sad fact is that many people do. Fortunately, there’s much research aimed at helping people find ways to combat stress and live healthier, more productive lives. By learning more about the fight-or-flight response, health professionals have developed new ways to help people deal with their natural reactions to stress, positively affecting those who constantly suffer from stress and anxiety in their daily lives.

On a brighter note, we’re off on a walking holiday in a few weeks.  We’ve booked a self-guided trip in the mountain ranges of Andalusia with luggage transfer, so we’ll only have our day sacks to carry.  It’s a first for us, so I’ll write a travel blog on our return with our adventure’s ups and downs.  Jamie’s keen on Everest base camp next.  I’m eager to see how we get on in Andalusia first 😃

Before I leave, I thought I’d share a tactic I’ve recently learned which has helped my mind enormously.

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.  It takes much practice, but you’ll get there in the end.”

Until next time..xx

The A Word: 9 life lessons we learn too late!

We’d all be mega-rich if we knew things ahead; imagine if we could predict the lottery numbers!  Unfortunately, we can’t, but perhaps some of our mistakes along life’s journey help us make better decisions today. Here are my top life lessons I wish I’d learned earlier 😊.

Before you read, I must point out that my list is very practical. We read stuff daily telling us to walk our own path, make every moment count and not everyone will like us, so don’t worry. But these are just words; honestly, I find all that stuff a bit wishy-washy. If you read some of the advice that’s out there on how we should live, our existence would be as dull as dishwater. My top takeaways are based on real-life experiences, and as I’m a fan of enjoying myself, getting the right balance has always been important to me.  See what you think!

No 1 – Pick your fights carefully

Why is this No 1 on my list? Because I’ve wasted so much negative energy getting into pointless arguments. I’ve had many confrontations, especially at work and regretted them. I find confrontation stressful, so why do I put myself through it. 

As I’ve got older, I’ve learnt to listen, accept that someone has a different opinion to me and move on.  I could’ve avoided many difficult situations and sleepless nights if I’d learnt this sooner.  I even find Twitter stressful these days.  Chill out, everyone; life’s so much more pleasant without arguments.

No 2 – Always do what you say you’re going to do

Someone very influential in my early career gave me this advice, and I reckon it’s the best I’ve ever had. How many people say they’ll do something and never do it.

  • I’ll call you back
  • You’ll have this by the weekend
  • I’ll pop around tomorrow morning to help
  • I’ll send you an email with the details

The list is endless, and we’re all let down by broken promises. Dealing with suppliers is a nightmare; electricity, gas, broadband, bank – it’s hugely frustrating because very few people do what they say they’ll do.

You’ll go a long way if you take this advice on board. I’m not kidding when I say that 90% of your work colleagues or friends won’t do what they say they will, so you’ll stand out. If you’ve agreed on a deadline but can’t meet it, call and explain rather than wimp out and not communicate. If you don’t want to do something, say no. I appreciate it’s difficult, but it’s better than saying yes and letting someone down.

No 3 – Look after your body

There’s no easy way to say this, but you must look after your body. I appreciate we’re all dealt different cards when it comes to our health, both mentally and physically, but there’s still a part we can play to improve our life. When you reach 60+, all the bad stuff you’ve done will come back and haunt you.  I’m not saying I don’t have fun! My 30s and 40s were spent drinking far too much surviving on too little sleep whilst stressed out with work!  I’ve got some great memories, so you have to find the right balance.  The takeaway is that whilst my lifestyle wasn’t great, I always found time to exercise, and I mostly ate healthy food, thereby maintaining my weight.  I’m not sure about my liver, though 😊.

Today, looking after my mind and body is my No 1 priority, especially as I have AS. If you want to feel good beyond 60, don’t let the weight pile on, and I can’t stress the importance of building strength, especially in the glutes. Our glutes keep us upright and push our bodies forward. Strong glutes are important for proper pelvic alignment, momentum during walking, and even being able to balance and stand on one leg. Glutes also help support the lower back during lifting and help prevent knee injuries. I’ve seen so many people who have no strength in their glutes. The result is bad posture, knee problems, and many other limitations stopping them from fully enjoying life.

No 4 – Sleep

Through lack of sleep, I’ve learnt how important 7 hours a night is. Like everyone, I’ve had periods in my life where I’ve survived very little. The result is I eat more unhealthy food, don’t exercise, and every single one of these life lessons goes out of the window!

No 5 – Use Sunscreen

When I visited Australia for the first time in 2000, I witnessed the damage the sun can do to our skin if we don’t protect it. The Australians are much better than we are at applying sunscreen, and I’ve used a high factor ever since. I stepped this up when I reached 40, and I never go outside without Factor 50 on my face, even in the Winter.  I use sunblock when I go abroad and never sit in the sun between 11 a.m. and 4 p.m.; I’m the boring person under the umbrella. Years ago, I saw a dermatologist who told me sun damage is the biggest single factor causing ageing skin. You might not mind today, but you might when you reach 60. Obviously, and more importantly, sunscreen helps avoid skin cancer. Oh, and sunbeds are even worse!

No 6 – Ditch the black eyeliner

I guess this applies to anyone who wears it – please throw out the black eyeliner. It’s OK in your 20’s, especially if you can do that intricate “wing thing”.  But after that, it makes you look older. I didn’t ditch mine until I was 50, and when I look at photos, I can see why it’s such good advice. A make-up artist told me that applying dark colours like black under your eyes is way too harsh and makes you look older than your real age.

No 7 – Save for your future

It’s hard to save, especially in today’s world, and I certainly couldn’t afford to keep anything until my late 30’s as the money I earned wasn’t enough to cover my outgoings.  However, Jamie and I have sacrificed material belongings like expensive cars and nice jewellery to save for our future. Neither of us come from families where inheritance would make a difference, nor were we on final salary pensions, so it was up to us to plan accordingly. I’m often amazed when people tell me they don’t need to save for their future because of expectations around inheritance, equity release, or even thinking that the state pension will be enough.

Research suggests that a couple in the UK need an annual combined income of £47,500 to have a retirement with few or no money worries, while a single person would need £33,000. Now, I think that’s a lot, and it’s a huge amount more that you’ll get from a state pension, so if you want to enjoy a better life after work and don’t have a rich family, you better get saving. Remember, if you rely on inheritance, life expectancy has increased, so you may be waiting well into retirement and wasting your best years. Looking after our elderly parents or relatives is costly, and if they have savings (i.e., more than £24,000), those savings will go into private nursing and health care before they can request any help from the state.

No 8 – Be kind

It’s so much better to be kind than unkind. Look after those close to you, don’t make people feel bad or criticise them, it’s not nice.  Say sorry if you’ve hurt someone and smile, even if it’s a difficult day; it will help. I’ve learnt that I’m not very tolerant and incredibly impatient, so if I’m finding it difficult to be kind, I keep quiet.

And finally……

No 9- Don’t drink cocktails on an empty stomach

Make sure you fill up on wine first.

Until next time xx

The big secret revealed! How to live your best life

In this month’s blog, I’m going to chat about miracles. Well, not exactly miracles, but it feels like a small miracle to me, and even better, it’s backed by science.

When I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease affecting my spine, I was convinced I’d end up in a wheelchair by the time I was 60; a lot of people with AS do. But here I am, at 60, fitter, stronger and healthier than ever, and I will share some reasons why I think that might be the case.

It’s not because my disease has gone away. AS never goes away; it will continue progressing and cause challenges for the rest of my life. However, once the initial shock of diagnosis had subsided, I chose to try and live my best life. I decided not to moan too much about my predicament (although I do have days when it’s impossible to be positive); I wanted to enjoy my time on this wonderful planet and not waste away my days.

This approach has taken hard work, especially trying to fit in the daily physical exercise needed to keep my body as lean and strong as possible to fight my disease. Carrying extra weight with a fused spine is not good news. However, the exercise alone was never enough. Whilst I felt OK(ish), it was mostly with the help of many pills.

So, what’s changed? In my case, it’s where I now live, having moved out of the M25 corridor. Backed by science, where we live makes an enormous difference to our health and happiness. Scientists have proven that being in among nature benefits our health for years. Even in short bursts, it’s proven to help with anxiety and depression and alleviate many health burdens that accompany modern-day life. Research also concludes that spending more time in green spaces has such a positive impact that many urban development projects aim to nudge people towards the great outdoors.

But here’s the thing: another advancement in research shows that blue spaces, areas next to water, might give us even more benefits than green ones. I know it sounds exaggerated, but it’s true; because I’m spending so much time in blue spaces, my health has improved to the extent that I’ve reduced some of my medication. How good is that!

Scientists now have evidence that the mental boost that comes with connecting to nature in blue spaces goes well beyond health and happiness. The list of other benefits is growing and already includes improved attention, creativity, and memory. It can also enhance sleep, and because I wear a Fitbit, I know my sleep is massively improved.

For me, the ocean has a real calming effect. I love listening to the gentle waves lapping the shores or the crashing of stormy seas against the rocks. There’s just something about sitting with your bare feet in the sand and listening to the sound of the waves that makes you feel good. It provides a sense of peace, being mindful and in the moment – something we all know can combat stress.

Breathing in the refreshing and rejuvenating salty sea air is amazing. Two years ago, during COVID-19, I started Yoga, which has been incredibly valuable for building strength and, more importantly, learning to breathe properly. Being by the sea and knowing how to breathe is invigorating. I didn’t know this, but the sea air is also packed with beneficial negative ions, which boost your body’s ability to absorb oxygen and help balance serotonin levels, further improving your mood.

Seawater is incredibly rich in minerals. I’m not a regular swimmer, but it’s something I intend to improve upon. The minerals such as magnesium, calcium, zinc and selenium have powerful anti-inflammatory, skin-healing effects. Due to my AS, I have many skin problems, which often bother me more than chronic pain. Much research now concludes that sea swimming can improve symptoms of eczema and psoriasis and also reduce allergic skin responses, which is music to my ears.

I love staring out to sea and watching the changing colours of the deep water, wide skies and turquoise coves. Because I enjoy photography, these scenes are magical to capture, and I can see why blue is also linked with feelings of calm and serenity. Incredibly, after installing blue lights at train stations, Japan recorded a large decrease in the number of suicides. It seems blue can make us feel more at ease.

I think it’s fair to say that most of us are big dreamers. We imagine what our future could be, plan it out and then work hard every day to achieve our vision for when we retire. I worked hard for years to achieve my vision. But the difference between my vision and the reality is simple. I realised that my good health and peaceful mind are the most important and precious gifts ever. Try to include a healthy lifestyle in your future goals; if you can live by the sea, you won’t go far wrong.

Health often doesn’t come from medicine. It usually starts with peace in the mind and peace in the heart. It comes from laughter and love.

Until next time xxx

The A Word: 8 Precious Tips for holidaying in Cornwall

In my opinion, Cornwall is the most beautiful place in the world. Well, I haven’t been to all the beautiful places in the world, but Cornwall must be up there with the best. Jamie and I spend much time walking the Cornish coast path and drinking and eating in the local restaurants. We also love chatting with the people we meet on our daily adventures. Based on these conversations, I’ve compiled what people wished they’d known before holidaying in Cornwall; I hope you find it helpful.

Getting here

There are two main routes into Cornwall, the A30 and the A38. They both get incredibly busy and if you’re not on your toes you’ll spend the first day of your holiday sitting in traffic. If we’ve been up country to Hampshire/Surrey, we’ll leave at 5am in the Summer to arrive in West Cornwall around 9.00am including a costa coffee breakfast stop. In Spring and Autumn, you can get away with leaving at 6am. In July and August without an early start a 4-hour journey can take 10 hours and if you’ve a 6–8-hour journey it may take 12! Friday and Saturday are changeover days in the cottages and campsites, so the roads are busy both Eastbound and Westbound and often gridlocked. You’ve been warned, get that alarm set 😊.

Interestingly, Cornwall’s longest ever traffic jam took place on the 12th of August 1999, the day after the solar eclipse. With over 100,000 extra cars on the road that day the A30 was at a standstill; there was a 65-mile tailback from Penzance to Launceston near the Devon border, horrendous!

Weather

OK, it’s not Ibiza, but Cornwall is the sunniest county in the UK. We average over 1500 hours of sunshine a year. That said we don’t get many barmy nights and typically temperatures are a lot less extreme than you experience in the midlands, London, and the home counties. Extremely hot days in Cornwall are around 22 – 27 degrees. We’ve seen loads of holidaymakers in their Ibiza clubbing clothes shivering in the cooler evenings so make sure you bring a hoodie and a rain jacket. Sometimes, especially on the North Coast we get sea fog. When the rest of the country is basking in sunshine a sea mist appears which can last for a few days and this mist seems to like to hang around in August.

On a happier note, the quality of light in Cornwall is much brighter than anywhere else in the UK because it’s surrounded by sea. The narrowest part of Cornwall, the western peninsular gets even more light because it’s reflected onto land from both the north and south coast. My biggest tip by far is “if the sea mist is in on the North Coast, go to the South Coast for the day as its often clear and sunny.”

Travelling around Cornwall

To reach some of the picturesque fishing villages and beautiful beaches its necessary to drive down narrow roads. If you’re not a confident driver or don’t know the width of your car you should avoid these roads at all costs. The Atlantic Coast double decker bus travels some of these routes and boy, they can drive. But sometimes you will need to cram your car into a hedge and tuck in your wing mirrors to squeeze past other vehicles so if you’re not happy with a few scratches here and there from the hedgerows, again, avoid. The courier drivers, tractors, and Cornish folk expertly navigate these lanes and take no prisoners. We’ve been in gridlock situations when a camper van meets a bus, and after a lot of raised voices, it takes a long time to sort out. If you don’t like narrow roads, the Satnav is your worst enemy. Get a map and plan your route before you set off.

Beaches

Cornwall beaches are the best. We’ve eight of the prestigious blue flag beaches, the international standard for best beaches in the world!  The consensus is the North coast is better for surfing and the South coast for sailing. The sea is often rougher with better surf on the North while the south has less waves and is more sheltered. There are plenty of gorgeous beaches on both coasts, though probably more on the North. The scenery on the South is softer, some beaches can have pebbles. The North coast is more dramatic with more sand but like I said above, when one coast is cloudy the other can be basking in sunshine so don’t miss out.

Parking at the main beaches can be expensive. You also need to get there early, as they fill up quickly. Remember to check the tide times too as, at high tide, some of the beaches have much less sand, especially when we have spring tides. Also, buy a windbreaker, your beach days will be so much better.

Food

I’ve travelled extensively around the UK (and Europe) and I can honestly say the best food I’ve eaten is in Cornwall. Unsurprisingly there’s a lot of delicious fresh fish but there are loads of other healthy options too which I find difficult to seek out in other areas of the country. Do your research and book your pubs and restaurants before you arrive. If you’re eating in, buy your food from the local shops, its important to the communities and much better quality than the supermarket.

Walking the coast path

Walking is not for everyone but if you’re happy to get active on the cliffs you’ll see the spectacular views that you just can’t experience from sea level. We’ve also seen seals, dolphins, a sun fish and even a whale so make sure you take binoculars. Each section of the Cornish coastal path has various levels of difficulty so check out your section before you set out. Some are easy, and others are technically incredibly difficult, your overall ascent can be greater than if you’d climbed a mountain! Flip flops are not suitable, neither are wedges or stilettos; I’ve tried them all. You know I’m only joking but I’ve seen someone on a tricky section of the coastal path in wedges, so it does happen. You don’t need walking boots for most of the walks, but a good pair of trainers is necessary.

Dogs are very welcome in Cornwall but please remember, if your dog is not familiar with the cliffs keep the lead on. There are sad outcomes every year so its best to keep them safe.

Sightseeing

There is so much to do and see in Cornwall and I’m not going to list them out as everyone’s favourite is different. Make sure you grab all the leaflets and visit the Cornwall websites before making your choices. National Trust membership is especially useful here as the National Trust also owns a good number of the car parks which are free for members

Finally

Before I sign off, remember if you have a cream tea, you’ll need to put jam on your scone first and then the cream. If you’re over the border in Devon, its cream first; I’ve never understood this.

Cornwall is the most wonderful county so instead of looking at your phone, admire its beauty, including the lifeguards 😊.

Under Pressure?

The best view comes after the hardest climb

Apologies, it’s been a while; I’ve been incredibly busy. In the past, when anyone asked me what I was busy with, I used to say “stuff”.  So, to sum up, in the last 7 weeks since my previous blog, I’ve been busy with stuff 😊.  We’ve also been on an amazing 3-week road trip through France.  Since posting our pics on Instagram and Facebook, I’ve had loads of messages about the route we took and the places we visited, so hopefully, my replies have been helpful.

This month, I will talk about stress and working under pressure, and there’s a good reason behind it.  Since Jamie and I retired earlier this year, many people have commented on the change they have seen in me, especially close friends and family.  I look so much more relaxed, happy, contented, and at peace, and I can honestly say that I do.  I appreciate events that will change this, and my chronic pain still impacts my daily life, but overall, I think these lovely comments are justified.  I’ve also thought about why and come up with my own conclusions.

Throughout my working career, like many of you, I’ve lived my life under constant pressure.  During my earlier working days, it was balancing home life and work life and latterly, for the last 20-plus years, I’ve worked in jobs that, whilst rewarding, came with huge amounts of accountability and responsibility.  I’ve always taken my work seriously and undoubtedly put myself under a lot of pressure to succeed. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved my career and have some superb memories, but it also comes at a price. 

I’ve worked with colleagues who’ve mastered great skills for working under pressure; they’ve maintained level-headedness when urgent matters arise instead of getting stressed out and overwhelmed.  Whilst I had coping mechanisms and the outside world appeared to be in control, inside, I would feel high levels of stress that would affect me even after my working day had finished. No matter where you work, there will undoubtedly be occasions where you’ll work in high-pressure situations, so I thought I’d share some of the tactics a great coach taught me in the later years of my career that helped with work and all aspects of life.

My first “go-to” is a technique for solving problems.   It’s a coping strategy that involves learning to take specific steps when approaching a challenge. These steps include defining the problem, writing down potential solutions, ranking the solutions, developing an action plan, and then putting the chosen solution to the test.  This shouldn’t be an essay; otherwise, you won’t do it.  Ideally, it should take 5-10, and it definitely works.

Secondly, reappraising negative thoughts is my next “go-to” because I’ve always lacked confidence. When you encounter a stressful situation or find yourself in a high-pressure environment, many of us develop a mental filter in which we automatically interpret situations through a negative lens. I often see myself jumping to negative conclusions with little or no evidence to back me up.  My coach taught me to reappraise negative thoughts, treat them as theories instead of facts and consider other possibilities. I still regularly practice this skill, and it does help to reduce negative emotions in response to stress.

My third “go-to” is yoga and mindfulness, and is the one that works best.  It’s something I’ve only recently taken up during lockdown, and it’s wonderful; I can’t recommend it enough.  If my overactive, confused and complicated mind can benefit, I’m sure yours can, too.  Mastering mindfulness helps you to pay attention to the present moment with curiosity, openness, and acceptance.  Stress is a crazy feeling; it can be exacerbated when we spend time ruminating about the past, worrying about the future, or engaging in self-criticism. I’m learning to train my brain to break these harmful habits through yoga and mindfulness.

Hopefully, these takeaways are useful, and before I go, I thought I would let everyone know I’ve a very big birthday coming up in a couple of weeks.  I’ve reached the ripe old age of 60, and the most exciting thing about this event is that I qualify for free prescriptions.  If Southend United were still in the football league, I could also buy an OAP concession ticket, but unfortunately, they’re not.  I could also have a free bus pass if I lived in London, but sadly, I don’t. But free prescriptions are a big deal for me.

As you all know, I write my blog to raise awareness for autoimmune diseases. Since being diagnosed with AS in 2015, I’ve bought an annual prescription card as the cost of my medication is so high.  I’m fortunate as I’ve been able to continue to work, so paying for my prescriptions wasn’t a great hardship.  However, many people with these debilitating autoimmune diseases cannot work and suffer great financial hardship; I read incredibly sad stories daily.  It is not always easy to find financial help as strict criteria are in place to qualify for disability benefits.  NASS (National Axial Spondyloarthritis Society) is campaigning to help make it easier, so fingers crossed they’ll make progress to help those with this debilitating disease.

Thank you for reading and sharing my blog.  I can’t go without mentioning the weather 😊.  I saw a great sign yesterday, which made me giggle.

Due to high temperatures, we will not accept money from your bra…  I thought, “Who wears a bra in this heat”?

Until next time xxx

It was one hell of a ride!

Hi everyone, this month’s blog is about “experiences”. The definition can be “an event or occurrence which leaves an impression”. The experience I will chat about today definitely left an impression, but what kind of an impression I’m about to share. Apparently, spending money on experiences is better than material stuff as it makes you happier. I had to question whether the £2.00 I spent on this particular experience made me happier than if I’d bought a bar of chocolate, but here we go.

As readers of my blog know, Jamie and I are currently walking the entire length of the Cornish coastal path. It’s nearly 300 miles, and we’re attempting to finish it this Summer.  We’ve 5 more sections to walk, but they’re the most difficult and logistically challenging from where we’re based in St Agnes.  Last week, we completed one of them – from Polruan to Polperro. It’s an 8-mile stretch, which sounds relatively easy, but the total ascent was over 610m, which is also considered necessary to be called a mountain instead of a hill. So, in short, we walked 8 miles up a mountain.

This particular segment was also challenging to plan. We often do a circular walk or even a return, but because this walk was classified as strenuous and hot, we decided to park in a National Trust car park between the two destinations. We would then walk the 4 miles to Polperro, ensuring we arrived in time to get the bus to Polruan.  There are only two buses a day so we needed not to miss it. Once off the bus at Polruan, we would complete the remaining 4 miles back to our car park, completing the whole section.

So, what’s the problem, I hear you say. The day started wonderfully; the coastal views were magnificent, the sun shone brightly, and the water was stunning turquoise. The 4 miles to Polperro were exquisite, albeit with many large climbs. We arrived in Polperro and were surprised to see the bus appearing round the corner right on time, and this is where the fun started. Those who read my blog about our Satnav know I don’t like small roads. If you want to drive to any of the beauty spots in Cornwall, small roads are necessary, so I was gradually getting used to them. That is, until the day of our walk when I was so traumatised it set me back years. The first thing I noticed when I boarded the bus was a seat belt. Now, whilst I don’t take the bus regularly, I’ve travelled on them enough to say I’ve never seen a seat belt until now. I also observed I was the only one who fastened mine.  It’s also fair to say that the narrow roads are supposedly two-way, and whilst the Yorkshireman driving our bus didn’t say, “Brace yourself, it’s going to be a hell of a ride”, I did think it might have been appropriate to provide some warning.

We set off on the 8-mile journey with no “A” road in sight; I’d be surprised if we made it onto a “B” road. For me, I kind of expect a road to be tarmacked, but I can only describe the first part of the journey as a track with grass in the middle. It didn’t stop the Yorkshireman from hurtling along without a care in the world, despite the potholes and blind bends and zero knowledge of what could be lurking around the next corner. I asked Jamie a couple of times to wear his seatbelt, much to his amusement. We weren’t wearing masks either, as these appear to be obsolete on this particular route in Cornwall, but I did think my mask might have been useful to throw up in.

Eventually, about halfway through, around the 4-mile marker, someone rang the “request to stop” button. Imagine this: we’re in the middle of nowhere, not a shop, pub or house in sight, and the Cornish lady chatting away merrily to the Yorkshireman wanted to get off. Everyone remaining on the bus looked around, and I’m pretty confident that, like me, nothing resembled a dwelling within view, and we could see an exceptionally long way! The only thing I did notice was one of those little signs indicating that the road would get narrower ahead. WTF? I thought privately to myself.

On the 8-mile expedition, we only passed 3 other vehicles hurtling towards us in the opposite direction.  I’m not kidding when I tell you it was a bloody miracle we didn’t crash. Unbelievably, two places on that 8-mile trip were wide enough to paint a white line in the middle of the road. When I say wide sufficient, it wasn’t my idea of a road. We met a “smallish” removal lorry in one of those places and a DPD van in the other. The third vehicle we met was a car. The Yorkshireman driving our bus wasn’t impressed with the car driver and called him an incompetent “so an so” who didn’t know the width of his own bloody car. At this point, we were nuzzled closely into the hedge while the poor chap driving the black Mazda was in shock at meeting a bus being driven at 60 mph by an irate Yorkshireman on a track in the back of Beyond. To my amazement, we arrived at our destination at the scheduled time. Really? This was the norm! I’d been convinced we’d be at least 10 minutes early.

Whilst I lived to tell this tale, I did feel like a cat on its 8th life when another crazy thing happened that day. After we’d completed the remainder of our walk and relaxed into the car for our journey home, we only went and met the ONE remaining bus of the day hurtling towards us in the opposite direction. Fortunately, Jamie knows the size of our car, and we could nudge past by tucking in the wing mirrors without too much squealing from the passenger seat.

Moving on, walking really does help with my AS. I write my blog to help raise awareness of autoimmune disease, and it regularly makes the top 5 read on my blog site, so I get a lot of traction. I also get loads of questions about why walking helps so much. Those who live with AS mostly have joint deformities, fused joints like my sacroiliacs, and further fusing of the spine, so fear of getting hurt does discourage people from exercising. However, walking mostly has minimal impact, so it helps maintain joint motion and function.  For me, it also helps ease pain and improve my posture. It tackles muscle imbalances and helps with my breathing.  It improves my quality of life with the added bonus of keeping my weight down, so a winner all around.

Before I sign off, I want to quickly mention trolls as they are becoming more commonplace. People can be so horrible on social media, and I’ve often said they must always lead incredibly sad lives to be so angry. LinkedIn has become the same; people are rude to each other even though it’s supposed to be a professional platform.  This is why I found this Ricky Gervais quote funny.

“A troll wants you to feel, for a few seconds, as miserable as they do for their entire existence”.

I know I harp on about it, but why can’t people disagree politely? Why is someone wrong because they have a different opinion than you? We don’t need to share the same opinions as others, but we do need to be respectful. You don’t have to disrespect and insult others to hold your own ground. If you do, it shows how shaky your own position is.

On that note, fill your life with experiences, pay 2 quid and take the bus 😊

Have an amazing day, until next time xx.