Faking It

Supta Virasana

Here we are in our 3rd national lockdown, and I think it may be a while before it ends.  During the 1st lockdown (a very long time ago), I started online classes to teach myself to dance.  I’m still learning, and pleased to report that I’m looking forward to showing off my new skills.  I’ve recently progressed to rock and roll while blasting Elvis Presley’s Jailhouse Rock!  As well as working, I’m still doing my daily workouts, walking around 15,000 steps a day, and continuing to practice yoga.  I have to say that out of everything I do to help my Ankylosing Spondylitis, Yoga is by far the most enjoyable.

I write my blog to raise awareness of autoimmune diseases, and it’s a well-known fact that exercise can help with the challenges we encounter in everyday life.  If you’ve been struggling to get your exercise regime kick-started, I thought I’d share a really good piece of advice I picked up during my sales training that will help if you can’t get motivated.  It only takes 30 days of perseverance to create a new habit and, more importantly, 66 days for a new behaviour to become automatic.  There’s lots of research on this subject, but a good study published in 2009 by the European Journal of Social Psychology provides information to support this.

So, when I decided to practice Yoga, I started with a 30-day programme to learn the basics.  Wow, I’ve progressed so quickly and surprised myself at how much I’ve come to enjoy this daily ritual.  I do some relatively advanced sessions now, usually for about 40 minutes a day, and whilst I can’t do all the yoga poses yet, I see improvement every time I take to the mat.  I appreciate I’ve good reason for trying everything I can to keep well, but there are many benefits associated with Yoga. If you take anything from my blogs, I ask you to look at an online beginner’s yoga video on YouTube; it will change your life in only 30 days! 

Moving on, the main subject of this blog is “Faking It”.  You’re probably thinking, “OMG, what’s she going to say now?”!

During my early career, I often felt like a “fake”, and I’ve since learned it’s a common feeling.  Many skilled, accomplished executives fear that they’re not good enough—impostors who are bound to be found out. In many walks of life, some high achievers believe they are complete fakes. To the outside observer, they appear to be remarkably accomplished; often, they’re extremely successful leaders. Despite their achievements, however, these people sense that they are frauds. This neurotic imposture, as psychologists call it, is not a false humility. It is the flip side of giftedness and causes many talented, hardworking, and capable leaders—men and women who have achieved great things—to believe that they don’t deserve their success.

In my situation, not having a University degree probably contributed to feeling like a fake as I worked with some incredibly clever, talented people.  I often thought I only scraped by because of luck or by fooling others into believing in me.  I felt deeply insecure about my work and accomplishments, constantly anxious that I’d be exposed as a fraud.

This did get better, by the way 😊.  I started to keep a spreadsheet of the deals I’d closed to remind myself I was doing OK.   In the later stages of my career, just before Jamie and I founded our successful business, my confidence improved.  I remember driving across London in a chauffeur-driven car with the CEO of a very large, well-known American technology organisation.  They were buying the company I worked for and, as Head of Sales, I was taking him out to meet some of our clients (complete with his bodyguard!).  It only took one compliment from him on my relationship with one of our largest clients for me to think I wasn’t too bad after all!  So, if you’re a senior executive reading my blog, always take time to praise people for good work, as I can assure you it really makes a difference.

This “fake” feeling isn’t just the case in business as we all play roles on the stage of life, presenting a public image that sometimes differs from the private person we actually are.   The studies of the famous Canadian sociologist Erving Groffman are interesting as he provides a detailed account of this in his book “The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life.”   

Groffman argues that as humans come in contact with each other, they adopt and play roles to fulfill their goals, establishing the relationship between the actor and the audience. Using this metaphor, he explains that we strive to convince those around us of what we are trying to portray. Just like a good actor in a movie, the degree to which people believe we all play a role in our ultimate success. He explains that the “front stage” is where we perform or conform to what people expect, and the “backstage” is where we forget the script and behave without fearing disapproval.  An interesting concept and a good read for lockdown boredom 😊..

Finally, I want to finish on the current situation we find ourselves in here in the UK.  Like many of you, Jamie and I have such a full life, and I’m really missing normality; my attitude to lockdown is better on some days than on others!  I do appreciate we’re not “stuck” at home. We’re “safe” at home and, more importantly, helping to keep others safe.  I think it’s fair to say we must try to make the most of this time rather than just play a waiting game until things get easier and better.  Life will always be complicated.  We must learn to be happy right now. Otherwise, we’ll run out of time.  Easier said than done, but perhaps worth a try.

Until next time, keep safe and try Yoga xxxx.

When fairytales go wrong!

After a three-month break, I’m back writing my blog to help raise awareness of autoimmune disease, and I’ve an update on my Ankylosing Spondylitis, which I’ll talk about shortly.  I also want to thank you for all the wonderful messages; you’ve inspired me to continue to write.

Since July, I’ve taken up yoga, which I’ve meant to do for ages, and I’m loving it.  I can’t do classes due to the lockdown, but my daughter sent me a link to an online class, and it’s amazing.  I didn’t think online would work for me, but I’ve really surprised myself, and I’m hoping it will help with my AS, too. In addition to my normal working week, I’ve started to write my book and still do a daily workout, so I’m reducing my blog to one a month to ensure I keep up with everything and don’t bore the pants off everyone.

So, here we go; let’s start with a rant about this bonkers world we find ourselves in.  Not only are we intent on eliminating history, but my favourite Christmas song, Fairytale of New York, will no longer be played in its original form.  The wonderful lyrics have been the focus of much debate in recent years, as they include so-called “derogatory” terms for gender and sexuality.

For goodness sake, it’s a dark song about two poor, probably doomed Irish immigrants in New York; they are drunkenly arguing, and the lyrics reflect that. It’s a masterpiece!  It’s not about snow or sleigh rides or mistletoe or miracles, but lost youth and ruined dreams. A song in which Christmas is the problem.  It’s also a great reminder of the lovely Kirsty McColl, who sadly died in December 2000 in a tragic accident in Mexico.  I always find myself singing along loudly, especially to the bit below, where I inevitability jumble up all the words in a very loud, tuneless rendition 😊….

You were handsome
You were pretty
Queen of New York City
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night

The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing Galway Bay
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day

You’re a bum
You’re a punk
You’re an old slut on junk
Lying there, almost dead, on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas, your arse
I pray to God it’s our last

Leading into the subject of Christmas, we’re so hoping to have our family together.  There are 11 of us now, and it will be our new grandson’s first Christmas, where he will meet his cousins.  I’m certainly hopeful life will start to return to some sort of normality in 2021, given the good news about the progress of the vaccinations.  We’ve already booked our trip to the South of France in July, and I can’t wait to board that EasyJet flight 😊…  I never thought I would miss an airline so much!

Another subject making the headlines this week is one I feel very strongly about – bullying.  Bullying in the workplace has come to our attention as the Home Secretary, Priti Patel, had to issue an apology as a recent report found that her behaviour towards staff did break the ministerial code.  I dislike politics (especially at the moment), so I don’t want to make this a political blog, but I do think bullying needs to be addressed as it comes in lots of different forms. 

Even now, in 2020, it still remains taboo for women to speak out about woman-on-woman bullying at work. The Workplace Bullying Institute found women bully other women up to 80% of the time, which I think is totally unacceptable.   Women have fought and continue to fight for a seat at the table and to be seen as equal to their male counterparts; we should be supporting each other big time, not bringing our female colleagues down. 

During my career, I’ve mostly worked in male-dominated environments, and I’ve certainly had some spats 😊.  Most of the women I’ve had the pleasure of working with have been kind, inspirational and, like me, often lacking in confidence.  However, on the flip side, I’ve also felt more intimated by other women. For me, it often came as a snide remark after a success.  Perhaps I’d won a deal or been asked to take on more responsibility, and, of course, it always had the desired effect – me losing my confidence!  Personally, I think it’s so important that we make a conscious effort to be kind and thoughtful, but I do appreciate it’s not always easy.

Finally, this week, I wanted to share an update on my AS.  Working with my Rheumatologist, we’re investigating some new symptoms that have materialised over the last few months.  I’ve developed a tremor in both my hands along with some really odd muscle spasms in my fingers and nerve pains in my arms (and no, I haven’t started drinking copious amounts of spirits 😊).  I had an MRI scan of the Cervical spine, and whilst the Ankylosing Spondylitis is continuing to cause damage, there was no impingement to explain the nerve pain. There are many simple explanations for these new visitors, and I’m resisting the temptation to visit my good friend Dr Google for a self-diagnosis.  I suspect it may take a while to get the answers as we go through a process of elimination, and I just need to be patient and go with the flow.  I’ll keep everyone updated throughout my journey.

My finale this week is a suggested change for the lyrics for Fairytale of New York.  Not only is it funny, but it also removes offence and maintains an 80s vibe!

You scumbag, you maggot, you’ve taped over Taggert!

Bye for now, and thank you for reading and sharing my story. xx.

Goodbye for Now

We’ve had the most incredible Summer in Cornwall, and now that the meteorological Autumn has arrived, we will be very busy.  It is noticeably quieter in Cornwall this week, so we’re off down to Poldhu Beach tonight for a sing-along with a very popular Cornish band who describe themselves as “proper Cornish singers”.  We’ve pre-ordered pizza and beer from the beach café, so it should be a good evening. Jamie has three games of cricket left for St Agnes, and I have to say it’s been a real hoot! We’ve met so many local people through the cricket, and they all seem to love the same things as we do – drinking and having a laugh!

As you will have guessed from the title of this week’s blog, Part 1 of my story is ending.  I’ve loved writing it, and it’s far exceeded my expectations regarding the number of readers, making the top 10% of visitors to a WordPress blog, which is amazing. 

I started to write my story as I wanted to raise awareness of autoimmune disease, and it’s been extremely rewarding reading the messages from people who have enjoyed my tales.  I’ve talked openly and honestly about my diagnosis and the effect it had on my life.  I’ve covered the challenges I had taking the medication, my allergic reaction to a new biological drug and my visits to A&E.  I’ve also shared some of the tips that help me manage all the nasty visitors that accompany autoimmune conditions.

My career has also been very important, and I’ve enjoyed every minute.  Through my blog, I’ve shared some of the lessons I’ve learned.  The most comments received in any week were when I talked about the difference between positive and negative motivation, and the second was when I criticised full-time home working 😊. Throughout lockdown, writing my blog was a real saviour for me as our work had dried up, and we could not see family and friends.

One of the reasons I’m taking a break is that September is an incredibly busy month for us.  We’ve seen an increase in our work, our Hampshire project is underway, and our beautiful cottage in St Agnes is having a makeover.   An added challenge is that my elderly parents are both in poor health, so we’re visiting Cumbria in the next few weeks, too.  It’s an 800-mile round trip, which is exhausting.  As an only child, I wanted them to move closer, but they chose not to, and I did understand their reasons for staying put.  That said, it’s certainly made life more challenging for all of us, especially now.  I’m also planning to write a book, and whilst I’ll restart my blog again in October, I may move to bi-weekly or monthly.

Finally, and before I sign off, I wanted to say a big thank you to all my readers for your lovely words throughout these 10 months and leave you with one final thought.

Life is short.  There are so many surprises, obstacles, ups and downs, but we are all captains of our own destinies, and we need to abandon the fear to live life to the full. I don’t know what our next chapter is going to look like, but I know for sure it won’t be boring 😊. 

Goodbye for now, see you soon and at the end of each day let there be no excuses, no explanations and no regrets xxx

A Beginners Guide to Arguing

We’ve finally exchanged on our Hampshire property with completion on 7th September, so it will be a busy time.  We can’t move in right away as the house was a complete rebuild of an older property, so there are no curtains or carpets, and the delivery on these is around 3 weeks.  It’s taken longer than we expected, and given that my packing for Cornwall was completely inappropriate for anything other than hot weather, I’m pleased we’re nearly there.   For reference, my bag included 3 pairs of sunglasses, sun cream, a sunhat, 2 handbags, 2 dresses, a spray tan for legs and 2 pairs of sandals; who knows where I thought I was heading!

I now have all my investigative appointments booked for blood, MRI scans, and US scans at the Royal Surrey following my Rheumatology consultation.  They have come through quickly and are also on the calendar for September, so that’s good.  Since I started writing my blog at the end of 2019 to raise awareness for autoimmune disease, I’ve received many messages, a large proportion of which relate to the time it takes to diagnose these conditions.  The most common autoimmune diseases include Multiple Sclerosis, Type 1 Diabetes, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus and Vasculitis, and all are debilitating in their own way.  My AS comes under a term called “Spondyloarthritis”, an umbrella term for inflammatory diseases that can affect the  back, pelvis, neck, and some larger joints, as well as internal organs and the eyes, and the average diagnosis takes 10 years.

I think the medical profession is making good progress in securing earlier diagnoses. Hopefully, it will mean that people like myself won’t suffer for years in pain, thinking they are going mad!

This week, I wanted to talk about arguing.  I hate it and don’t like confrontation as it upsets me.  Some people love arguing and are very good at it.  Fortunately, Jamie and I both dislike it, which is great but I’ve needed to stand up for myself during my career, so I thought I would provide my tips to help those of you who, like me, find it difficult.

In the heat of the moment and desperate to get our point across, we often don’t listen to other opinions, and I’m certainly guilty of that.  By listening, you’re gaining knowledge and insight, as well as refining and improving your own position. Often, disagreements escalate because of a misunderstanding, but what can help is to repeat what you think the other person just said, which can help to avoid misunderstandings.  I used to practice this in work situations, and it did help.

In today’s world, arguments often happen on social media.  If you’re faced with a Twitter troll or a Facebook friend who lures you into a heated debate, there are several techniques you can use to push your point of view.

Using ‘calm’ language to make a point is more effective than swearing or using aggressive terms.  Personally, I think people who get aggressive are suffering from a deficiency of facts during an argument. I think it’s fair to say you can’t win an argument with insults. The moment you do that, you’ve already lost. You can only win an argument by being factual, and if you have insufficient information, you can always keep quiet and end the argument; there’s no shame in that.

In a face-to-face argument, people often use both verbal and facial expressions.  Verbal expressions can include a cold or constant stare, a false or exaggerated smile, or a raised eyebrow, all of which make me more nervous.  Another technique I was taught, especially when upset, was to try and use humour, which can take the heat out of a situation.

A great example was the American actress Ilka Chase, who wrote several novels. One day, another actress told her: “I enjoyed reading your book. Who wrote it for you?” To which Chase replied: “Darling, I’m so glad that you liked it. Who read it to you?”  I’m not sure my wit is up to that standard, though!

I know it’s difficult to remember techniques when angry and fired up. However, I do try hard to remind myself to stay calm, use facts as evidence to back up my position and ask questions.  I know they say that you shouldn’t preach what you don’t practice, but I’ll say it anyway: my final tip is always be prepared to concede a good point 😊

Finally, I want to finish with a little ode I saw in the pub the other night, which made me smile and also might help all of us to feel less guilty about our alcohol consumption.

The Horse and Mare live 30 years.

And do not know of wines and beers.

The Goat and Sheep at 20 die

And never taste the scotch or rye.

The Cow drinks water by ton.

At 15, their life is almost done.

The Dog at 14 normally gives in.

Without the aid of rum or gin

The modest, sober bone-dry Hen

Lays eggs for years and dies at 10

But sinful, ginfull rum soaked men

Survive till 3 score years and 10

And some of us, the mighty few

Say pickled till we are 92!

92 it is then, until next time, stay strong; 2020 is almost over 😊

xxxx

Don’t doubt your “Gut Instinct”, it’s your Superpower

We still haven’t exchanged on our new house in Hampshire; it’s so slow! As the property is a complete rebuild of an old house, there’s one outstanding point on the planning document to be resolved, which we hope will be early next week.

We’re also having some work done on Beech Cottage here in Cornwall. When we bought our little gem last year, we had a detailed survey recommending a new roof.  As we had a leak during one of the storms last Winter, we decided to get it done sooner rather than later so that project will kick off in the next week, followed by a full repaint of the outside so our little cottage will look lovely after its makeover.  We’re also stocking up on firewood and logs for the Autumn and had the chimney swept, so we’ll be fully prepared.

We’ve settled well into the village, and we love our nights sitting outside the pub chatting to everyone.  Jamie is playing cricket for the local team now, and this Sunday, players and supporters are being transported in the St Agnes minibuses so we can have a drink or two and stop at a few pubs on the way home!

As my readers know, I write my blog to raise autoimmune disease awareness. This week, I wanted to talk about “gut instinct” as it played a big part in my diagnosis of Ankylosing Spondylitis. Personally, when it comes to health, I trust mine implicitly.

Gut instinct is a deep feeling that you’re right; there’s no need to think it over or get another opinion—you just know. I knew there was something wrong with my body before my diagnosis.  I also know that other things are brewing that haven’t yet been diagnosed; it’s just a “feeling”.

Interestingly, Richard Branson once said, “I rely far more on gut instinct than researching huge amounts of statistics.”  However, “gut instinct” does tend to get a bad reputation as something flaky and based on no evidence. Would a careful analysis of all the options be more likely to give us the right answer? Not necessarily. Our gut instincts are not always as random as they seem. They can be based on a rapid appraisal of the situation. We might not always realise it, but the brain constantly compares our current situation with our memories of previous situations. So, when a decision feels intuitive, it might, in fact, be based on years of experience.

During my career, I have often trusted my “gut instinct” ahead of other factors, but relying on it totally goes against all the sales training and coaching I’ve ever had.  It’s a discussion I still have today when we’re working with smaller organisations just starting out and building their sales teams for the first time.  

Many small companies make their decisions without putting enough thought into it, especially around their sales and marketing strategies.  The necessary research to determine whether or not a new strategy will be successful is often completely discarded for a much quicker, less structured approach using “gut instinct”.  This means the new salespeople they hire often fail as they don’t have the right strategies to support them.

So how can you combine your “gut instinct” but still do the important analysis in as short a time as possible?

Personally, I think technology plays a big part.  We all now have access to powerful decision-support tools that can help us quickly sort through vast amounts of information.  These tools don’t just apply to making business decisions either.  They can use it to buy a new house, car, a holiday, and many other aspects of our daily life.  When combined with our own experience and insight, these analytical tools can offer both companies and individuals consistently sound and rational choices even in the face of complexity—a capability that our “gut instinct” will never match.

So yes, in summary, I think gut feeling can be really useful. We should trust it implicitly in highly uncertain circumstances where further data gathering and analysis won’t sway you one way or another. Trusting your gut also allows you the freedom to move forward quickly, too, instead of procrastinating.  However, if data and analysis are available and applicable, use those tools too.  Our overall objective is to assess the probability of any outcome with reasonable confidence so we can make better decisions and life choices.

Finally, this week I want to talk about tourism as Cornwall is really busy at the moment.  Here in St Agnes and all over Cornwall, the local people say it’s a lot busier than normal and wonderful for all the businesses who rely on these busy months during the Summer.  In fact, a third of Cornish households depend on income from tourism, so it’s extremely important all round.

However, I’ve also seen many reports on social media that fed-up locals are unhappy about the influx of visitors. I think it has something to do with the fact that it had been quiet for a long time beforehand. In contrast, usually, in March, April, May and June, tourism would have gradually ramped up, but because of the lockdown, Cornwall went from zero to thousands of people very quickly!

Being brought up in the Lake District, I’m used to living my Summers with an influx of tourists and have always seen the positive side, but I have one real gripe!  Jamie and I see so much litter when out on our walks – discarded picnic rubbish, cans, coffee cups, tissues, face masks, it’s terrible.  The coastal path and the beaches are left in an awful state.

I saw one sign in a beach coffee bar offering a free coffee if you collected a bucket of rubbish off the beach, and buckets were supplied! 

Every little bit hurts; until next time, stay safe xx.

I Would Walk 500 Miles

and I would walk 500 more

It’s been a wonderful week spending time with our family. Our grandchildren give us so much pleasure and laughter, and our new grandson is growing so quickly that he’s nearly out of his Moses basket.  It was also incredibly hot, and now we’re back in Cornwall; it’s noticeably cooler but more humid, which isn’t great for my hair! 😊. 

I also had my first Rheumatology appointment before lockdown.  It worked OK by telephone, and I’d prepared my notes beforehand.  We agreed that I’d have some investigative MRI scans of the cervical spine and an ultrasound scan of my arms, hands, and fingers due to some new symptoms I’ve experienced.  I guess these will continue for a while, so I won’t have any updates in the short term.

We’ve had the most amazing Summer in Cornwall, and the walking has been superb.  Since the start of the UK lockdown on 16th March until today, our FitBit shows we have walked over 3,000 kilometres.  To put that into perspective, Moscow is 2,500k from London, and Cairo is 3,500k.  Norway is about the right distance, at 3025k from London!  Not surprisingly, the soles of our walking shoes have worn away 😊.

We’ve loved living in our cottage in a bustling village.  The pavement is opposite our house,  but people still walk on our side of the road and look into the window whilst we’re sitting in the evening.  I can’t complain, though, as I do it too, especially at Christmas.  I love looking at all the beautiful Christmas trees on display. It’s like those Christmas scenes you see on cards with houses all lit up and families inside, and it’s definitely my favourite time to peer in.  Jamie and I could always close our curtains, but we chose not to as we love to see the activity outside our window.

My blogs are mostly about living the best life you can with chronic pain.  Last week, I talked about positive and negative motivation and the difference between the two.  This week, I wanted to talk about negativity in general, as it really can hamper our ability to be happy.

Negativity is a tendency to be downbeat, disagreeable, and sceptical. It’s a pessimistic attitude that always expects the worst. It’s important to mention that depression and/or sadness are not the same as having a general negative disposition.  

Negative people tend to moan a lot, convinced that the whole world is against them. They are usually victims of “something”, whether it’s a difficult boss, a bad relationship, bad luck, or their upbringing. They rarely look at other factors – such as hard work.  Apparently, there’s also a neurological explanation for why some people are so negative. It has to do with the part of the brain called the amygdala, which functions as an alarm and is constantly looking for danger, fear and bad news.

For many people, being negative is just a part of life. However, it is something that you can train yourself out of with a little bit of practice.  I love the Ant Middleton books; they are easy to read and focus on embracing positivity and a positive attitude in your everyday life. 

I often see articles suggesting that you remove negative people from your social media or your friendship groups.  I agree, and during my career, I’ve found that the most successful people have made it a rule to avoid negative people. This is because negative people can affect your attitude.  For example, when I thought about writing my blog, my friends and family were brilliant, encouraging me and supporting my goals.  My husband Jamie continues to compliment me on my blogs and inspires me every week. Acquaintances are sometimes different.  Before sharing my story, I had someone say I’d find it impossible as bloggers were mostly much younger than me!   If I’d listened to that negative person or believed in what they said, it would have affected my confidence and possibly even stopped me from writing.  My blog has been successful, and I’m in the top 10% of traffic for WordPress blogs, which is amazing.

I’ve also experienced negative people during my working career; they’re always the ones who make you doubt yourself.   I’ve noticed that when I’m around positive and enthusiastic people, they raise my energy levels. Negative people do the opposite; they tend to drain my energy, and I just want them to go away.

As I said earlier, whatever life throws at us, we must try and live “our best life” as we only get one shot.  When you struggle with illness and chronic pain, positive people help and give positive reinforcement when doubts and worries creep in.  Negative people make you believe your doubts.  Negative people generally have a problem for every solution, and positive people have a solution for every problem.  Don’t waste your time trying to accommodate them; do what I do and remove them from your life, starting with social media.

Finally, I want to talk about the ice cream manufacturer Ben and Jerry’s, which made headlines this week when the company’s social media team published a Tweet about migrants and refugees directed at the home secretary.   Whilst many people agreed with their position, a large proportion didn’t and personally, I don’t think the Corporate world should get involved in politics.  Ben and Jerry’s are part of a massive global conglomerate called Unilever, and perhaps if they paid the taxes HMRC thinks they should pay, we could spend more money helping the people who need it most. 

Until next time, stay safe #stayalert and remember positive thoughts in the morning can change your whole day xx.

A Cause for Celebration (or not!)

The answer my friend is blowing in the wind!

Everyone who sees my social media photos must think we have sunshine 24×7 in Cornwall, so I thought I would post a blog picture in the rain for a change.  Jamie and I have full waterproofs, and I love to walk in the rain; I really appreciate the smell of the earth as it has a natural calming effect on my overactive mind.  We’re so close to nature here it really is beautiful in all weather conditions.

I’m also happy to report I finally have my first Rheumatology appointment since the COVID-19 lockdown, and it’s next Monday on my birthday!  I’m not changing it as I’ve waited too long, so hopefully, all will be well as I’ll get the results of the MRI scans and blood tests from February. We’re off out for dinner after the appointment and up early the following day to drive “up country” to see our family and grandchildren, so a lovely week to look forward to.  We also hope to exchange contacts on the house, so a busy time all around.

Like me, many people with an autoimmune disease go through periods of feeling relatively normal and then have the sudden onset of severe symptoms called “flares”, making it difficult to find the motivation and energy to be active.  Self-motivation has always played a big part in my working life and private life, and I thought it would be useful to write about my experience of both.

There are two types of motivation: positive and negative.  Positively motivated people will achieve something because of their enthusiasm or interest without pressure from others.  For example, being a star performer at work, living a fit and healthy lifestyle or even saving for a deposit on a house.  It’s when a person knows where they’re going and how they will get there and adopts that positive attitude towards achieving their goals.   

Motivation is our internal energy force that determines all aspects of our behaviour; it also impacts how we think, feel and interact with others. Sport is a great example, as high motivation is widely accepted as an essential prerequisite in getting athletes to fulfil their potential.  My daughter is a triathlete, mostly focused on the Half Ironman (70.3 distance) and her self-motivation to train never ceases to amaze me.

Negative motivation can best be described as wanting to escape an existing condition.  Although it tends to display the same characteristics, the results are markedly different from those of positive motivation.  Negative motivation is rooted in fear.  Fear means you are acting on the pressure of losing something – your current job, your money, or your lifestyle. 

The main difference between the two is that positively motivated actions will likely have a positive outcome.   If someone is negatively motivated, their actions may have an undesirable negative outcome. a A film I watched called Deep Water is great example of negative motivation.  It’s a documentary film based on the true story of Donald Crowhurst and the 1969 Sunday Times Golden Globe Race around the world alone in a yacht, and it doesn’t end well.

Positive and negative motivation also applies in the workplace.  We’ve all had a boss who uses negative motivation to get their employees to work harder or perform better (yes, the stick rather than the carrot).  These people focus on giving their team negative feedback, threats, or disciplinary action.

I certainly prefer carrots, and I would like to think that during my career, I always tried to be a positive motivator (and still do).  Positive motivational leaders are visionaries and tend to build a shared vision, rallying their team.  I’ve been very lucky to work for some outstanding people who, whilst results-oriented, were able to motivate and develop their teams to adopt their shared vision.  They pursue information to reduce uncertainty and find ways to do things better, and often cut through red tape and bend the rules when necessary to get the job done.  More importantly, they persist in seeking to achieve goals despite obstacles and setbacks.  They see setbacks as manageable circumstances and don’t take anything personally.   I’ve only worked for a “negative motivator” once, and I hated it and made a mental note never to repeat that kind of behaviour.

Finally, I wanted to chat about Gin.  Jamie and I are late to the party, but what has happened to Gin? It’s amazing!  A few months ago, in one of my blogs, I said I don’t drink spirits, but all has changed since we found the gin “tinnies” in Sainsbury’s. 

From “mother ruin” to the “hipster” drink gin has now become, it’s a real success story.  There are now pink gins, gin in beautiful artisan bottles and those flavoured with honey, rhubarb, mangoes and strawberries; the list is endless. Flavoured gin has increased in abundance, but it’s not just gin. Flavoured tonic is expanding in every direction, providing gin drinkers with exciting new ways to serve their favourite gins.

In 2018, it was revealed that UK gin sales had soared by 254 per cent over the past decade. The spirit was officially named Britain’s favourite drink when a record 47 million bottles were sold in one year! To keep up with demand, the number of UK gin distilleries has more than doubled, from 152 in 2013 to 315 today.  Gin has become so popular in Britain that the Office for National Statistics (ONS) added it back to the basket of goods it uses to measure inflation after a 13-year absence.

Gym?  I thought you said “Gin”, yes please 😊.  Until next time, stay safe #stayalert and enjoy the Gin xx

Behind the Mask

Chapel Porth, Cornwall

Life in St Agnes is great.  The weather has been amazing, and our work has started to pick up, too, which is really good news.  Our Hampshire house is nearing exchange, and we’re just waiting for the searches to come back, which have taken longer than normal due to the backlog from the lockdown.  We anticipate completion during August, but Jamie and I admit it will be difficult to tear ourselves away from Beech Cottage.

We miss our family, though and will probably head back “up country” before we complete the house to see our family and grandchildren.  We were back two weeks ago to welcome our new grandson; we now have three, which is wonderful: a girl and two boys.   The journey from Cornwall takes just over 4 hours, which isn’t too bad, especially with a few good podcasts.

Like everyone else, I’m wearing my face mask for shopping.  The evidence seems clear that masks can help prevent the spread of COVID-19 and that more people wearing masks for indoor activities will help.  I also understand this is not about “me”, as there is strong evidence to say that the best benefit of wearing a mask is for people who have COVID-19 to protect them from giving COVID-19 to other people.

However, masks and makeup don’t mix 😊.  I don’t wear much make-up, but I do wear some, and it’s now covering the inside of my mask.  Many YouTube videos are advising us to emphasise the eyes; it’s definitely all about the eyes and not about my red lipstick! Obviously, I appreciate that looking good is not the point of wearing a face mask; however, it’s just possible there’s just something attractive about a little mystery, a little obscured identity. Apparently, the masks draw attention to two of our hottest and most controllable features, our eyes and hair, and thankfully, I’ve now had a haircut!

Whilst the mask is not my favourite accessory, it did make me roll my eyes to see hundreds of demonstrators gathered in London to protest against wearing them days before it became mandatory. Ultimately, I think wearing a mask suggests that you actually care about the people you interact with and whether they live or die.” It’s that simple.

Moving on, I mentioned earlier that our work has started to pick up, and throughout my career, one of my strengths has been to identify the best salespeople and hire them.  My theory was always to employ people better than me.  Some people are afraid to do this, worried their new hire will be so good they’ll make them look bad.  I don’t agree – everyone needs really smart people in their team.  They bring a fresh perspective; they see things you might not have seen by yourself.  Good leaders recognise their own weaknesses and limitations, as I did.  Why would you recognise a weakness and then not hire someone smarter than you who can plug this gap? It’s not only the best outcome for the team and, ultimately, the business, but for your own personal development too.

So that’s why Jamie set up our search and recruitment company 12 years ago to find these top performers for our clients.  Many people ask us why we differ from the hundreds of other recruiters, and that’s a great question.  We both worked in the financial technology industry and have a much better understanding than most of our competitors about the roles we are recruiting for. Still, there’s another, more important reason.

It’s a fact that most sales professionals perform well at interviews, but research shows that 50% of sales hires underperform against expectations, a figure that is constantly on the rise in our new world.  We know that top sales performers are alike in one crucial way: they all have a high degree of emotional intelligence, which they can’t “fake” during an interview.  Whilst a candidate’s skills are important, salespeople are very good at enhancing these and covering up their flaws.  Characteristics such as emotional intelligence are vital in identifying high achievers.  We’ve spent years comparing the profiles of top performers with average ones in sales roles, and nearly 90% of the difference in their profiles was attributable to emotional intelligence factors rather than cognitive abilities.   Hopefully, our business will improve over the coming months as we enjoy what we do.  We would like to continue working for the next 3-5 years, but we’ll see how it goes and, if not, find other ways of making some money and keeping our brains active.

Finally, I’ve had many messages asking me if the antibiotics worked.  Well, yes and no.  They cleared my chest infection, so I can now walk uphill again without my chest frantically whistling. While my sinusitis is a little better, it hasn’t gone completely, so mixed results.

I’m also patiently awaiting my next Rheumatology appointment.  Most hospital departments were reallocated to the frontline during the lockdown, which was understandable, but as they have restarted, I’m hopeful I’ll be seen soon.  I was due to start on new medication before the lockdown, and I also had several MRI scans and blood tests for which I’m waiting for the results. I find it reassuring to know that my treatment is working properly and to go through the physical assessments to assess how my AS is progressing.  Without these appointments, I get nervous and worry about the future.  I’m the kind of person who needs to know the full picture to deal with it in the best way possible.

Thank you for reading and sharing my blog to raise awareness for autoimmune disease.  I doubt any of us could ever have imagined living in a world where it’s normal to walk into a bank wearing a face mask and ask for money?

Until next time, keep safe, and #stayalert!

xx

Life’s a Beach

St Agnes, Cornwall

Our first week living by the sea in St Agnes has been lovely.  We’ve worked efficiently, and the walking has been superb.  For the last 20 years, our visits to this beautiful village on the North Coast have been in Spring, Autumn and Winter, but being here in the Summer has been wonderful.  The sea is the most amazing mix of aqua and deep blue, and whilst Cornwall is busier than at other times of the year, it’s been so good to see the hospitality industry welcome guests again, as it’s been particularly hard hit here in the South West. 

We’ve been to the pub for a pint, we’re off out for dinner tonight for the first time since early March, and Jamie is playing his first game of cricket on Sunday.  We’re also making good progress on our new home in Hampshire, but as with all these transactions, they are always slower than you would like.  More on this next week.

This week, I want to discuss mistakes and how we can learn from them.  Jamie and I had a learning experience last year with our house sale.  We originally accepted an offer on our house in May 2019, but we pulled out 2 days later and decided to take the house off the market.  We’d been trying to sell since 2018 and, reluctantly, reduced the price several times.  When we eventually received an offer, we were tired of tidying up for viewings, weary of time wasters and generally tired of trying to sell. We accepted the offer even though it didn’t feel right.  Pulling out was extremely difficult as we put our life plan on hold.  When we marketed it again this year, it sold within 4 weeks at the asking price (which was a good deal higher than the offer we accepted last year). 

So, what did we learn?  It was a mistake to put the house on the market when the property sector was on a downward spiral, but we were so keen to push on with our plan that we went ahead anyway.  It was also a mistake to accept an offer we weren’t happy with.  Fortunately, Jamie and I were able to acknowledge those mistakes, and we were prepared to make the difficult decision to change our plans.  By doing so and being patient, we have benefited in the long term.

Like most people, I’ve made many mistakes during my career, too, some of which, unlike our house sale, weren’t rectified in time.  No one is immune to making mistakes, but it’s not good enough to carry on as before, as it puts us in danger of repeating the same errors.  When we don’t learn from our mistakes, we inflict unnecessary stress on ourselves and others.  You can’t start to learn anything from a mistake until you admit that you’ve made it, which is the part many people find difficult.  It’s like the old interview question:

“talk about a recent mistake you’ve made and what you learned from it”?

I love that question, and whilst it’s old hat,  it really does help you to determine whether someone really can acknowledge and learn from their errors.  In my view, failure is a critical step in the path to eventual success. The most successful people are those who know how to learn from their mistakes, not people who never make mistakes, and I can tell you, there are loads of those people around 😊.

A great quote from the inventor Thomas Edison (paraphrased) about his experiments: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” As such, he was encouraged to try new things, take risks, and learn through trial and error

That said, dwelling upon mistakes is not so good.  This will diminish your self-confidence and affect your performance.  Moreover, when you dwell on mistakes, it can trigger the habits of procrastination and perfectionism, as well as other emotions such as anger, stress, worry, fear, and frustration. This is certainly no way to live.  We wouldn’t have sold our house had we dwelled on the mistakes from the previous year, and considering that mistakes are a positive and transformative force in your life, you can see how many people have it all wrong.

Moving on, thank you for all the responses on my sinusitis; I appreciate people taking the time to write to me.  There were some great tips, and whilst it hasn’t gone away, I feel it’s improving. 

As readers of my blog know, I write my story to raise awareness of autoimmune disease, and I often get questions about flare-ups and how I manage them.  The classic sign of autoimmune disease is inflammation, which can cause redness, heat, pain and swelling.  All autoimmune diseases have flare–ups when they get worse and remissions when symptoms get better.  Treatment depends on the disease, but in most cases, one important goal is to reduce inflammation.

During a flare-up, my body feels like it’s on fire. I have aches and pains everywhere, especially in my neck and back. I feel swollen and bloated, and my teeth hurt as sinusitis kicks in.  I am more anxious than usual and feel lethargic, and all I want to do is “wallow”.  However, I’ve learned that wallowing only makes things worse, and I’ve got much better at managing my medication.  In addition, I also make sure I look after myself better.  I drink lots of water, eat loads of fruit and veg, force myself to continue to workout (which takes tremendous willpower), and get sufficient sleep. 

It’s also crucial to suppress inflammation during flares, and for severe flares, I have taken the steroid prednisone, which generally improves my symptoms within days, but I don’t like to take them too often.  It’s not fun, but learning to manage the bad times enhances lifestyle.

Finally, this week, I want to talk about Karen! Originating in the US, A Karen, in case you didn’t know, is a term used on social media to denote a typically middle-aged woman who is unaware of her ‘white privilege’.  I learned this in a week-long trailer for a BBC podcast called No Country for Young Women.

Basically, the interpretation is that any woman of my generation who fails to accept her “white privilege” is obnoxious, angry, entitled, and often racist.  However, for the same reason, it’s also why the Karen meme is so wrong. Because it’s the other side of the same coin. It judges people — specifically women — on their colour, sex, age and social background!

There are lunatics on both sides of this culture war, and if we carry on like this, the end result will not be good.

Until next time, stay safe, #stayalert and #bekind.  My grandson finished school yesterday for the summer holidays.  Next year, he moves into a different class.  He was delighted when told about his new teacher and when I asked him why he said: “She is very kind Nana”….

X

Living in a Material World

With a great hat comes great responsibility

This is my last blog from our current home; I’ll be sad to leave, but I don’t get too emotional over these things, and I’m ready to move on to the next phase of our life.  Last week, I said our house purchase had fallen through, so our furniture is going into storage, and we are heading off to Cornwall for the Summer.  Our business is completely portable as all our applications are in the “cloud”, and we’re currently interviewing via Zoom, so all is good.  I’ve also stopped worrying about my haircut; it doesn’t seem important in the overall scheme of things 😊.

This move has certainly made me think about “material possessions”.  We live in a highly materialistic society, and, to some extent, lockdown has taught us that the best things in life are generally not “things”.

During my lifetime, our society has grown more materialistic.  Social media is partly responsible, and there’s a lot of emphasis on the brand of clothes you wear or what car you’re driving.  Some people look at others who live in luxury and think they live a happier life than theirs. This is the impression that society embeds in our heads and leads to many of us spending our time trying to earn more money rather than achieving happiness.   In addition, our society doesn’t help as it’s constantly bombarding us to buy more because we live in a society that only functions if people continue to spend.

Whilst I don’t spend excessively, I do like nice clothes.  I’m fortunate that I’ve weighed around 56 kilos since my early 20’s, so the clothes I bought years ago still fit, and I do look after them. There’s also an argument that wanting more is a good way to motivate ourselves.  I’ve worked hard since I was 18, often long hours in stressful roles, as has my husband Jamie, and it’s helped us to achieve a lifestyle that we are very content with.  That said, there are always compromises, and I do feel I could have been a better  “Mum” if I hadn’t worked so hard.   Finding a happy middle ground so you can have nice things but not too many seems like a good plan to me.

The opposite of materialism is minimalism, and this also sounds attractive 😊.  This is someone who prioritises living with less to achieve freedom.  Freedom can be defined in many ways: financial freedom, freedom from “stuff,” and even freedom from a place.  When you have a house full of new clothes or all the newest gadgets, it’s more difficult to up the stakes and start travelling.  Stuff often weighs you down psychologically and geographically. If we can stop buying and holding onto everything, consider the benefits!  Perhaps we have succeeded in life when all we really want is only what we really need.

Moving on, Jamie and I have saved so much money and eaten a healthier diet by not being able to eat out or go to the pub, and I wanted to talk about the benefits of a healthy diet when living with an autoimmune disease.  I’m a great believer in cooking and eating good food, as it has a very positive impact on our overall well-being.

One thing most people in the autoimmunity field agree on is that there’s a lack of evidence-based information about dietary treatments for autoimmune diseases. The best suggestions are following a good diet and exercise regime for general health. 

I’ve spoken previously about new evidence supporting the Microbiome and Autoimmunity, which I’m continuing to investigate.  I’ve also discussed the importance of Vitamin D, which I now take.  The nutritional management of autoimmune disease usually emphasises foods to boost the immune system, which I ensure I include.  Autoimmune diseases are painful and disruptive to everyday life.  At their core, they have one thing in common: an out-of-control immune response linked with systemic inflammation and the right diet can help ease pain. I generally avoid sugar and focus on fruits, vegetables, healthy fats, fish and organic meat.

My stepdaughter Ellie is a fabulous example of what a good diet can achieve.  Ellie has IBS and Fibromyalgia, and I also suspect an undiagnosed autoimmune disease, possibly Lupus.   Over the years, Ellie has had to cut out many food groups as they made her feel so ill.  It has taken her a long time to find the right food combinations to suit her, and she now eats a pescatarian and a low fodmap diet.  I cannot emphasise enough how well Ellie looks and feels; it has made such a difference in every aspect of her life.  She has started an Instagram account (ellie_sw15) diarising her journey to a healthier and fitter lifestyle, including all the recipes and photos of the wonderful food she makes.  Following Ellie’s experience, I’ve seen first-hand how a good nutritional diet can make such a difference to the way we feel both physically and mentally. 

Talking of healthy food, I want to end this week’s blog chatting about fish and chips.  Freshly cooked, piping hot fish and chips, smothered in salt and vinegar, wrapped in newspaper, and eaten outdoors by the sea is perfect.

The potato is thought to have been brought to England from the New World in the 17th century by Sir Walter Raleigh, although it’s believed that the French invented the fried potato chip.  Both Lancashire and London claim to being the first to invent this famous meal – chips were a cheap, staple food of the industrial north whilst fried fish was introduced in London’s East End.

So are fish and chips any good for us, nutritionally? Fish and chips are a valuable source of protein, fibre, iron, and vitamins, providing a third of the recommended daily allowance for men and nearly half for women.  Apparently, there are now around 8,500 fish and chip shops across the UK; that’s 8 for every 1 McDonald’s, making fish and chips the Brit’s favourite takeaway.

This time next week, I’ll be eating my fish and chips by the sea from the best fish and chip shop in the UK, and I can’t wait.  I also can’t wait to go to the pub on 4th July, and Jamie and I will be first in the queue 😊.  I know, such style, fish and chips and a pint of lager and I’m a very happy girl.  You can take the girl out of the North, but you can’t take the North out of the girl!

Cheers, Prost, Santé, Yamas, Cin cin, Salud

Until next week, stay safe and #StayAlert xxxx.